Funny Parenting Advice No One Else Will Tell You

Funny Parenting Advice For New ParentsFunny parenting advice for those moments when it seems impossible to laugh.

One of my favorite questions I’m asked at least once a week is “any funny parenting advice for new parents?” My first reaction is to laugh and respond “yes, say goodbye to your life” but that always seems so cruel. But seriously HAHAHA their life is over.

I’m honestly not sure of reason I’m asked so frequently for advice for new parents. Sure, I’ve got two kids, chronicle my experiences as a parent on this website and I’ve even written a book for new dads but I’m not sure if I’m in the position just yet to give advice. Honestly, I don’t know if any parent can really give advice. Here’s why — every kid is different. EXTREMELY DIFFERENT.

If you’re a gearhead and incredibly knowledgeable on car maintenance there’s a strong chance you could answer almost any question about cars. An engine is an engine is an engine. Giving advice to new parents isn’t like spotting the reason an engine won’t turn over. Kids are an engine alright, but the maintenance involved is different from model to model.

So, while I can’t give specific and practical advice to new parents, I can offer them (I mean WARN THEM) about many of the issues coming down the line. These notes — all 200 plus notes over the past five years — could be consider funny parenting advice for new parents. But just a warning — “do as I say and not as I screwed up.”

Hopefully, new and veteran parents will find some of the advice in these notes helpful. If not, you’re on your own. Honestly, with parenting, you’re always on your own! But that’s half the fun. The other half is snickering when people ask for advice.

FUNNY PARENTING ADVICE & TIPS FOR NEW PARENTS

Parenting Tip #1 — Identify The Sound

Parenting Tip #2 — Remember Time Management

Parenting Tip #3 — Remember Your Colors

Parenting Tip #4 — Remember Proper Procedure

Parenting Tip #5 — Remember The Importance Of Sleep

Parenting Tip #6 — Remember The Past

Parenting Tip #7 — Remember The Laws Of Sound

Parenting Tip #8 — Remember Home Remedies

Parenting Tip #9 — Remember Style Choices

Parenting Tip #10 — Remember Your Tone

Parenting Tip #11 — Remember The Classics

Parenting Tip #12 — Remember Your Senses

Parenting Tip #13 — Remember Their Health

Parenting Tip #14 — Remember The Words

Parenting Tip #15 — Remember Your Tone

Parenting Tip #16 — Remember To Use Lists

Parenting Tip #17 — Remember The Ending

Parenting Tip #18 — Remember To Recycle

Parenting Tip #19 — Remember To Capture Moments

Parenting Tip #20 — Remember Your Allegiances

Parenting Tip #21 — Remember To Teach

Parenting Tip #22 — Remember To Stay Composed

Parenting Tip #23 — Remember Your Chores

Parenting Tip #24 — Remember To Be Grateful

Parenting Tip #25 — Remember To Be Thankful

Parenting Tip #26 — Remember The Alphabet

Parenting Tip #27 — Remember To Thank The Academy

Parenting Tip #28 — Remember To Wish

Parenting Tip #29 — Remember To Stay Calm

Parenting Tip #30 — Remember To Dress Accordingly

Parenting Tip #31 — Remember To Keep Traditions

Parenting Tip #32 — Remember To Take Advantage Of The Situation

Parenting Tip #33 — Remember To Exercise

Parenting Tip #34 — Remember Your Finances

Parenting Tip #35 — Remember To Manage Expectations

Parenting Tip #36 — Remember Hygiene

Parenting Tip #37 — Remember To Test

Parenting Tip #38 — Remember The Medicine

Parenting Tip #39 — Remember Safety First

Parenting Tip #40 — Remember Simple Games

Parenting Tip #41 — Remember Your Coworkers

Parenting Tip #42 — Remember To Request Help

Parenting Tip #43 — Remember To Leave

Parenting Tip #44 — Remember To Market Yourself

Parenting Tip #45 — Remember Your Commitments

Parenting Tip #46 — Remember Your Childhood With Fondness

Parenting Tip #47 — Remember Time Management

Parenting Tip #48 — Remember To Read Instructions

Parenting Tip #49 — Remember The Time Fondly

Parenting Tip #50 — Remember To Assess Every Situation

Parenting Tip #51 — Remember To Take Notes

Parenting Tip #52 — Remember To Improvise

Parenting Tip #53 — Remember Sound Levels

Parenting Tip #54 — Remember To Clean

Parenting Tip #55 — Remember To Experiment

Parenting Tip #56 — Remember To Acknowledge Others

Parenting Tip #57 — Remember To Be Creative

Parenting Tip #58 — Remember You’re Not Being Judged

Parenting Tip #59 — Remember To Have Fun

Parenting Tip #60 — Remember Clothing Options

Parenting Tip #61 — Remember The Good Times

Parenting Tip #62 — Remember Color Schemes

Parenting Tip #63 — Remember To Adapt

Parenting Tip #64 — Remember To Goes Fast

Parenting Tip #65 — Remember To Pay Attention

Parenting Tip #66 — Remember To Be Humble

Parenting Tip #67 — Remember The Pets

Parenting Tip #68 — Remember Your Anatomy

Parenting Tip #69 — Remember The Classics

Parenting Tip #70 — Remember Nursery Rhymes

Parenting Tip #71 — Remember Old Movies

Parenting Tip #72 — Remember To Pamper Yourself

Parenting Tip #73 — Remember To Pack Accordingly

Parenting Tip #74 — Remember To Stay Calm

Parenting Tip #75 — Remember The Pain

Parenting Tip #76 — Remember Hand Me Downs

Parenting Tip #77 — Remember Night Time Rituals

Parenting Tip #78 — Remember Charitable Causes

Parenting Tip #79 — Remember Family Bonds

Parenting Tip #80 — Remember Authority

Parenting Tip #81 — Remember The Crib Is Your Friend

Parenting Tip #82 — Remember Table Manners

Parenting Tip #83 — Remember The Senses

Parenting Tip #84 — Remember Free Advice

Parenting Tip #85 — Remember Classic TV

Parenting Tip #86 — Remember Holidays

Parenting Tip #87 — Remember Extra Napkins

Parenting Tip #88 — Remember To Encourage

Parenting Tip #89 — Remember The Laws Of Physics

Parenting Tip #90 — Remember To Earn Extra Cash

Parenting Tip #91 — Remember Normal

Parenting Tip #92 — Remember Sex Education

Parenting Tip #93 — Remember To Keep Communication Open

Parenting Tip #94 — Remember Feelings

Parenting Tip #95 — Remember To Observe

Parenting Tip #96 — Remember To Teach

Parenting Tip #97 — Remember Sound Travels

Parenting Tip #98 — Remember To Encourage Hobbies

Parenting Tip #99 — Remember To Check The Mirror

Parenting Tip #100 — Remember To Hydrate

Parenting Tip #101 — Remember Bathroom Rules

Parenting Tip #102 — Remember Social Cues

Parenting Tip #103 — Remember To Take Roll Call

Parenting Tip #104 — Remember To Pay Admission

Parenting Tip #105 — Remember Copyright Laws

Parenting Tip #106 — Remember To Seize The Moment

Parenting Tip #107 — Remember To Cleanse

Parenting Tip #108 — Remember To Stay Fit

Parenting Tip #109 — Remember DIY

Parenting Tip #110 — Remember To Stay Informed

Parenting Tip #111 — Remember To Shop Early

Parenting Tip #112 — Remember Home Remedies

Parenting Tip #113 — Remember To Age Gracefully

Parenting Tip #114 — Remember Proper Form

Parenting Tip #115 — Remember Family

Parenting Tip #116 — Remember To Give Chores

Parenting Tip #117 — Remember To Manage Ego

Parenting Tip #118 — Remember To Sanitize

Parenting Tip #119 — Remember To Memorize

Parenting Tip #120 — Remember To Check For Clearance

Parenting Tip #121 — Remember Familiar Sounds

Parenting Tip #122 — Remember The Elements

Parenting Tip #123 — Remember The Statistics

Parenting Tip #124 — Remember Pain Tolerance

Parenting Tip #125 — Remember Age Restrictions

Parenting Tip #126 — Remember Your Early Allies

Parenting Tip #127 — Remember To Encourage Creativity

Parenting Tip #128 — Remember Your Alphabet

Parenting Tip #129 — Remember To Not Jump The Gun

Parenting Tip #130 — Remember It’s Sometimes OK To Quit

Parenting Tip #131 — Remember To Ask For Assistance

Parenting Tip #132 — Remember To Buy Batteries

Parenting Tip #133 — Remember To Do Research

Parenting Tip #134 — Remember To Retrace Your Steps

Parenting Tip #135 — Remember Karma

Parenting Tip #136 — Remember To Be Your Own Person

Parenting Tip #137 — Remember To Stay Limber

Parenting Tip #138 — Remember To Upgrade

Parenting Tip #139 — Remember To Keep It Light

Parenting Tip #140 — Remember It’s Fine To Fib

Parenting Tip #141 — Remember To Adapt To Your Surroundings

Parenting Tip #142 — Remember The Easter Bunny

Parenting Tip #143 — Remember Pain Is Temporary

Parenting Tip #144 — Remember Family Genes

Parenting Tip #145 — Remember Bad Touch

Parenting Tip #146 — Remember To Accept All

Parenting Tip #147 — Remember To Share Good News

Parenting Tip #148 — Remember Doc Knows Best

Parenting Tip #149 — Remember To Obey The Law

Parenting Tip #150 — Remember To Censor

Parenting Tip #151 — Remember Night Lights

Parenting Tip #152 — Remember Your Youth

Parenting Tip #153 — Remember Past Mistakes

Parenting Tip #154 — Remember To Explore All Options

Parenting Tip #155 — Remember To Be Eco-Friendly

Parenting Tip #156 — Remember To Encourage Passion Projects

Parenting Tip #157 — Remember To Pretend

Parenting Tip #158 — Remember Father’s Day Surprises

Parenting Tip #159 — Remember To Not Always Give In

Parenting Tip #160 — Remember The Bible Stories

Parenting Tip #161 — Remember Momentum

Parenting Tip #162 — Remember To Be A Role Model

Parenting Tip #163 — Remember To Be Brave

Parenting Tip #164 — Remember To Think Big

Parenting Tip #165 — Remember The Food Groups

Parenting Tip #166 — Remember To Trust Your Hearing

Parenting Tip #167 — Remember To Keep Composed

Parenting Tip #168 — Remember Rules Of The Road

Parenting Tip #169 — Remember To Keep Tidy

Parenting Tip #170 — Remember Safety First

Parenting Tip #171 — Remember To Stay Mentally Sharp

Parenting Tip #172 — Remember The Learning Process

Parenting Tip #173 — Remember To Recharge

Parenting Tip #174 — Remember To Wish

Parenting Tip #175 — Remember To Improvise

Parenting Tip #176 — Remember To Abstain

Parenting Tip #177 — Remember Your Time Will Come

Parenting Tip #178 — Remember To Laugh

Parenting Tip #179 — Remember What You Said?

Parenting Tip #180 — Remember To Seek Opinions

Parenting Tip #181 — Remember To Avoid Ikea

Parenting Tip #182 — Remember Pavlov’s Theory

Parenting Tip #183 — Remember This Moment

Parenting Tip #184 — Remember To Notice Warning Signs

Parenting Tip #185 — Remember To Wear A Belt

Parenting Tip #186 — Remember To Avoid Strangers

Parenting Tip #187 — Remember Santa Is Watching

Parenting Tip #189 — Remember To Teach Fiscal Responsibility

Parenting Tip #190 — Remember To Make It An Event

Parenting Tip #191 — Remember That Farm?

Parenting Tip #192 — Remember Your Buzz Words

Parenting Tip #193 — Remember To Separate

Parenting Tip #194 — Remember Last Year

Parenting Tip #195 — Remember Not To Blink

Parenting Tip #196 — Remember To Whisper

Parenting Tip #197 — Remember The Kids Are Watching

Parenting Tip #198 — Remember Your Undergrad Experience

Parenting Tip #199 — Remember The Single People

Parenting Tip #200 — Remember Sex Education

Parenting Tip #201 — Remember The Customer Is Always Right

Parenting Tip #202 — Remember To Go Big

Parenting Tip #203 — Remember To Consider Elders

Parenting Tip #204 — Remember It’s Just A Phase

Parenting Tip #205 — Remember To Plan Ahead

Parenting Tip #206 — Remember It’s Usually Not Personal

Parenting Tip #207 — Remember To Ignore Fads

Parenting Tip #208 — Remember Mother Earth

Parenting Tip #209 — Remember To Think First

Parenting Tip #210 — Remember You Did It First

Parenting Tip #211 — Remember All In Due Time

Parenting Tip #212 — Remember All Moms

Parenting Tip #213 — Remember To Delegate Responsibility

Parenting Tip #214 — Remember People Move On

Parenting Tip #215 — Remember The Commandments

Parenting Tip #216 — Remember To Reward

Parenting Tip #217 — Remember To Time Manage

Parenting Tip #218 — Remember Bribery

Parenting Tip #219 — Remember To Annunciate

Parenting Tip #220 — Remember The Internet Never Forgets

Parenting Tip #221 — Remember School

Parenting Tip #222 — Remember Your First Love

Parenting Tip #223 — Remember You’re A Team

Parenting Tip #224 — Remember To Manage Expectations

Parenting Tip #225 — Remember They’re Programmable

Parenting Tip #226 — Remember Important Dates

Parenting Tip #227 — Remember To House Break

Parenting Tip #228 — Remember The Lingo

Parenting Tip #229 — Remember The Seasons

Parenting Tip #230 — Remember To Step Up

Parenting Tip #231 — Remember Unwritten Rules

Parenting Tip #232 — Remember Catchphrases

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