Parenting Tips #561-570

parenting tip #565

This week, the kids want to impale me with a toy, people have a huge issue with my grocery list, and I don’t have a hard copy of the rules.


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Alright, let’s do this shit.

Parenting Tip #561

parenting tip #561

ME: “How about an apple?”⁣

THEM: “How about a LEGO removal tool in your eardrum?!?” ⁣

Parenting Tip #562

parenting tip #562

Them: “Why can’t we?”⁣⁣
Me: “Those are the rules.”⁣⁣
Lawyer coming out of the closet: “Sir, I represent your children in this case. Can you please provide a hard copy of the rules?” ⁣⁣
Me: (hides in shower) ⁣⁣

Parenting Tip #563

parenting tip #563

This should be a game show.

Parenting Tip #564

parenting tip #564

Parenting Tip #565

parenting tip #565

Cashier: “Do you have any coupons or rainchecks?” ⁣

Me: “No, but I’ve got two things I’d like to trade. They’re currently in the cereal aisle snorting the Lucky Charms dust from the bottom of the box. ⁣”

(Editor’s Note – Check out the comments on this photo on Instagram. The number of people who took issue with the way I write out my shopping list was ALARMING.)

Parenting Tip #566

parenting tip #566

ME: “People didn’t have cell phones. We made phone calls by paying quarters.” ⁣

KIDS: “Did the phones play YouTube?”⁣

ME: (leaves room) ⁣

Parenting Tip #567

parenting tip #567

Parenting Tip #568

parenting tip #568

This is why I don’t own my own business.

Parenting Tip #569

parenting tip #569

Next time I’m going to slip the guy at the Genius Bar a $20 and say “just agree with everything I say.”

Parenting Tip #570

parenting tip #570


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