Norah, my oldest daughter, is 6 going on 16. Raising a little girl has been a real learning experience for me.
I never thought that I would be one of those overly protective dads, but somehow I can feel that starting to happen.
The thing is, I love the hell out of Norah. I want the best for her. Sometimes she says things that really scare me.
Things that make me worried about her life as a teen and beyond.
Here are a few exact quotes from my daughter that have me shaking.
Quotes From My Daughter That Scare The Crap Out Of Me
Norah: My face paint is so pretty. All the boys are going to be like, “I want to marry you!”
Me: (filled with rage): Let’s have a quiet time.
Norah: When I’m older, like 16, I’m going to have a million babies.
Me: How do you feel about an all-girl high school?
Norah: You don’t talk to a princess like that!
Me: I work in education and we live in a dried-up logging town. We’re not royalty. Sorry. But I still love you.
Norah: All the boys at school are my boyfriends!
Me: Wait… you mean they are boys that happen to be your friends.
Norah: No! I love all of them.
Norah: That mom’s shoes are really pretty!
Me: Those are Crocs. Let’s talk about standards.
Norah: (speaking to boy at playground): I won’t play with you unless you come sleep in my bed!
Me: Time to leave.
Norah: Someday, when I get married, my husband is going to have a really nice car and we are going to live in it!
Me: Let’s talk about the importance of college.
Norah: That guy’s shirt has a pretty tree on it.
Me: That’s a pot leaf.
Norah: What’s that?
Me: We’ll talk about it later.
Norah: Tomorrow I’m going to go to school naked! And all the boys will be like, “Ha! Ha! Ha!”
Norah: I love you daddy. Can I just live with you forever?
Me: (long exhale): That sounds OK.
When he’s not saying insane things to his kid, Clint Edwards’s work has been featured on Good Morning America, The New York Times, The Washington Post and The Huffington Post. He’s the author of the new book This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things.
JUST FOR PARENTS