7 Statements That Will Piss Off A Parent Who Is Venting

piss off a parent

We are parents, and we have a damn hard job. Sometimes, we need to blow off a little steam.

We need to rant to our friends about our kids. We need to give the side eye to people who get eight hours of sleep at night.

We need to complain a little.

What we DON’T need are people who respond to our woes with snarky reactions like these comments that will piss off a parent who’s venting.

How To Piss Off A Parent Who’s Venting

“If you think parenting is so tough, maybe you shouldn’t be a parent.”

You are so right. I don’t deserve my kids because I dared to say I needed a 30-minute break from them. Here, you take them. I bet you are a way better mom than I am because every freaking one of your Instagram posts is a sunburst of dandelion smiles and lollipop dreams. My apologies for keeping it real.

“There are people who really want kids and can’t have them, you know.”

OF COURSE I KNOW THAT! It’s terrible, and my heart breaks for them. But you know what? If they ever do have kids, I bet that at least once during parenthood they are going to complain about something.

How do I know that? Because I had a miscarriage before I had my kids, and I swore up and down that all I wanted in life was a healthy child and that I would be the best mother ever.

Then I had a healthy child, and I complained about him. So suck on that.

“If you have time to complain, then you clearly have too much time on your hands.”

Fork stab.

“Why do you stay at home with the kids if you don’t like it? Maybe you should get a real job.”

What in the actual f—? I make one comment over coffee about how hard it is to be around my kids all the time and suddenly I need to rejoin the workforce? You just whined to me for 45 minutes about an asshole you work with and never once did I suggest that you should quit your job?

“Why do you work full-time if you want to be at home with the kids? Maybe you should quit.”

Because: money, dumbass.

“Did you read this book on that problem? It will help.”

Look, it’s nice of you to try to help, but it’s not going to happen. Here is what I read: instructions for putting together Lego sets, princess bedtime stories, nutrition labels, hilarious Facebook posts and emails from my mom. If there is time for reading outside of that, I’m going to choose a light, entertaining book, not words from a stranger with a PhD offering a solution that probably won’t work.

“You should really try to cherish these years.”

“Cherish them! Don’t let them slip away! It goes so fast! These are the best years of your life!” Fuck that noise. I do not cherish the diapers and the whining and the tantrums and the sleepless nights. I adore my kids, but I barely tolerate that other stuff, and I sure as hell have no patience for people who say stuff like, “Aw, 2 is such FUN age.”

If you hear a parent complaining, there are only three acceptable responses that won’t piss of a parent even more…

  1. “I’m sorry, that sucks.”
  2. “I totally understand.”
  3. “Here, have some wine.”

Everything else is just word vomit.

Kate Meier has two kids and zero tolerance for people who criticize parents for bullshit reasons. Go enjoy her sarcastic sense of humor at her blog, My Kind of Parenting, or here on Facebook.

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3 Comments on “7 Statements That Will Piss Off A Parent Who Is Venting”

  1. Yes yes yes! May I also add:

    ‘Enjoy it while they’re young!’
    You’re right, I’ll try to enjoy cleaning up the poop my toddler tracked all through the house after managing to get his nappy off. I’m definitely going to miss this is when he’s all grown up.

    ‘I would NEVER let my child do that’ (typically from a non parent)
    You know what, you don’t even KNOW what you’ll let your child do/get away with until you’re in the lines of battle.

    ‘I can one up that’
    NO. This is not a ‘well if you think that’s bad’ moment. Just give me some vodka and a cookie and empathize with me.

  2. Finally some honesty for once, mothers act like I’m an alien from Mars because I often feel this way. I love being a mum but showing that you love your child doesn’t mean you have to fake happiness at a time when you feel like your one crazy away from being in a straight jacket lol. Especially women who do not have kids, they think they have all the answers. God if only it was that simple and easy.

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