In 2017, the amazing people at Sellers Publishing emailed with one simple question, “Have you ever considered turning your parenting notes into a daily calendar?”
In all honesty, I’d pictured the notes plastered on many objects, but never a calendar. But the idea made total sense.
The numbers also worked out in my favor. In 8 years, I’ve amassed over 320 funny and honest notes about my parenting skills, my kids, and my life as a stay-at-home dad and funny parenting advice no one else will say (unless you ask them).
I’ve written enough parenting notes to fill the Atlantic Ocean.
Is it not? The Atlantic ocean is how big?!?
That’s enough notes to fill the Atlantic Ocean. That’s enough to fill an entire desk calendar!!
Here’s a little bit more about the calendar, written by the beautiful people at Sellers Publishing.
“This new calendar from Sellers Publishing is filled with funny and relatable messages that stay-at-home dad Chris Illuminati posts around his home and on his hilarious website, amessagewithabottle.com. His sense of humor and love of being a dad comes through in the hundreds of brutally honest thoughts and candid comments on parenthood in the 2019 Parent Posts boxed daily calendar. Moms and dads everywhere will be laughing out loud with every flip of the page!”
Every flip of the page! That’s 322 laughs (Saturday and Sunday are on the same page) packed into one 2019 daily calendar for parents.
And if that’s not a good enough reason, here are nine more reasons to buy my 2019 daily calendar.
9 Very Good Reasons To Buy My 2019 Daily Calendar For Parents
1.] Because My Penmanship Is Stunning: Honestly, look at that penmanship. It’s perfection with a pen. You’ll want to marvel at the curvature of my letters every day and wonder “how does he write so perfectly?” My penmanship can heal the sick, raise the dead and provoke people to comment that it’s so good “he must be a woman pretending to be a man.”
2.] Because Work Sucks: At least once a day you want to cry at your desk. Don’t worry; we’ve all been in that position. This calendar will provide a quick laugh or a heavy enough object to throw at your boss’s fat and stupid face
3.] Because Christmas is coming and you’ll need gifts for people: This 2019 daily calendar for parents makes a great gift for people who you totally forgot to buy gifts for. People like your kid’s teacher, the woman at the office whose name is either Beth or Barry and your spouse, whose name you’re also blanking on at the moment but might be either Beth or Barry. It also makes a great gift for grandparents, professional nannies, teachers or anyone who can read.
4.] Because f*ck Dilbert: No one wants another Dilbert calendar. Not even Dilbert fans.
5.] Because it will remind you of your kids: A big reason I’ve continued to write these notes is the feedback from new parents, veteran parents, grandparents, and anyone who spends a huge chunk of time with kids. I love when people leave comments on my notes, either on my official Facebook page or Instagram account or spray painted on the side of my car. I especially love the comments that say “this reminds me of my life!” or “my kids do the same thing!” It feels good to share a common bond with complete strangers, and it’s also good to know all the money I’ve spent on surveillance is paying dividends. I’M WATCHING ALL OF YOU!
6.] Because it’s a Matrix-level look at my life: The post-it notes are about my early days as a father, but the calendar marks the days moving forward. So every day you’re hurtling into the future while looking at the past. I just blew your goddamn mind.
7.] Because 2019 is almost here: Hey, it’s not my fault! Don’t get pissed at me. That’s how time passes.
8.] Because these calendars are nice as hell!: Each of the 2019 daily boxed daily calendars from Sellers Publishing is filled with over 300 pages of great photographs, illustrations, games or tips, and is attached to an easel that can either sit on a desktop or hang from the wall.
9.] Because you still haven’t purchased any of my books and you kinda owe me: Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you haven’t bought any of my books yet. I get it though. You might not know any new dads or might not want people to be an a**hole. Those reasons are legit. But unless you’re a person WHO DOESN’T BELIEVE IN THE DAYS OF THE WEEK, you now have no excuse.
Well, that’s all I’ve got.
If I haven’t convinced you to buy my 2019 daily parenting calendar by this point, all hope is lost.
We can still be friends though. No hard feelings.
(Just kidding. I hate you.)