5 Parenting Behaviors People Need to Get Over, Like, Now

Family Sleeping In Bed

I guess it isn’t enough that we, as parents, are propagating the human race. You would think we would get a pat on the back and a “Thanks for not letting us go extinct, bro.” Instead, we are met with a daily onslaught of bullshit comments about nearly everything we do. Some, I suppose, are warranted. I mean, there ARE people who put soda in baby bottles.

But by and large, parents are unduly criticized for parenting behaviors like these and people need to just get the hell over them. Here are the parenting behaviors people need to get over, like, now…

Sleeping Arrangements

Why in the holy hell does anyone care where the members of my family sleep? Unless you are duct taping your child to the ceiling during bedtime, I don’t care what you do. Share a room or share a bed if you want. Put your child on a different floor if you want. As parents, we need to do what we need to do in order to get the most sleep possible. Everyone else can take their fresh eyes and rested faces and shove it.

Birth Plans

Oh.Em.Gee. I am so over the unmedicated vs. epidural vs. C-section shenanigans that hijack every birth post ever written. Do I believe a woman should have a say in how she has her baby? Absolutely. Do I judge a woman for how she has her baby? Hell no. You keep doing you, mama. You are the only person who knows what will work for you. Oh, and here’s a HIGH FREAKING FIVE for surviving the hell that is pregnancy and giving your child the best shot possible at life. We need more “atta girls” and fewer “tsks tsks.”

Formula Feeding

SHUT UP with “Breast is best.” Everyone knows it. That’s like saying, “Wine is awesome.” DUH. I loved nursing my kids but fully recognize the invaluable manmade creation that is formula. If formula didn’t exist, babies would die. That’s the straight up truth. Also, some women really struggle – to the point of tears struggle – trying to breastfeed. Can’t we just cut them some slack and be like, “Oh, hey, is your baby eating? Because that’s all that matters. Here’s a cookie, because you just pushed a kid out of your vagina and are now raising it. Actually, here’s two cookies. And a beer.”

Covered/Uncovered/Extended Breastfeeding

Don’t like it? Don’t look at it. Done.

Pretty Much Everything Else

Really, folks, can we just calm the eff down about all of it? A parent hits up a drive-thru and all of a sudden he is guilty of promoting childhood obesity. Maybe it was a special treat for a kid who just wanted a friggin’ Happy Meal. A mother chooses not to take her husband’s last name and everyone’s like, “Oh, but won’t that confuse the children?” Dude. No.

Unless a parent is truly endangering a child, everyone should just shut up. Every family has its own rhythm. Parents know their children better than anyone else. We know what works for our kids and for our lifestyles. Trying to act like you know better than that parent just makes you look like an ass. Unless there is soda in a baby bottle, because that really is just plain stupid.

NEXT: A Special ‘Thank You’ To The Snake Who Made Me Scream In Front Of My Son

264 Comments on “5 Parenting Behaviors People Need to Get Over, Like, Now”

  1. You know, I keep seeing all these articles about how people need to stop judging each other. Maybe we all need to stop being so easily offended, and just be content with our parenting choices no matter what other people are doing. I mean, really, why does anyone care what someone else thinks about their sleep habits?

    1. i know a girl who slept in her moms bed and when she got older she had a mattress beside her mothers bed and would hold her hand when she slept , at 14 yrs old. not for me , how you gonna rip a piece when your kids always there. that aint a healthy relationship for spouses

          1. Lol. I was thinking the same thing, but then I re-read what he wrote. Maybe he might have meant to say “get a rip of peace” and he just has really bad grammar? Or he really did mean to say “rip a piece”…and if that’s the case he’s just a douche.

          2. Wait, does “rip a piece” mean “let one rip”, or is it a terrible phrase for having sex? I think I will remember this phrase forever.

      1. My sister slept in my parents bed until she was 14, they just made another plan or locked the door on Sundays. She is now 32 and my folks relationship is as strong as ever.

      2. My daughter is a type 1 diabetic and shares a king sized bed with me, type 1 is a serious condition in which sugars need to be constantly monitored.
        Bottom line? It’s none of your damned business…

          1. No disrespect to Gretchen, and I agree 100% with what she said, but your response was funny as hell. I’m going to use that from now on when someone tells me it’s not my business.

          2. Haha I know right! Seriously don’t complain to people about ur kid sleeping in ur bed and people won’t have an opinion ?

          3. LOL I was thinking the same thing! For it not to be our business, we sure got the whole gory story didn’t we????

        1. Be encouraged! There are so many advancements I read about every month re T1D. My nephew has it, too. It takes a lot of courage and sacrifice to be a T1D mama. You rock! ? Prayers for a cure and for strength for all those affected by it…

      3. My hubby’s cousin was similar. Her dad worked nights so from birth until she got prego and married at 17 she slept with her mom. Her daughters sleep with her also and surprisingly…..they’re very well adjusted and you would never know if they didn’t tell you. Not for me and I personally find it odd, but it’s worked for them with no problems lol

      4. Funny story… My 5yr old sleeps with me every night because he has horrible night terrors.

        Best part – I just “ripped a piece” of my husband in another room and now I’m back in my cozy bed with my sleeping 5 yr old. It works!

        Best of luck!

        1. From a CPS standpoint infants should not be sleeping with parents due to the danger of rollover deaths. To the rest of the judgments made on a regular basis…who cares? Society definitely needs to stop being offended by every little thing and moms need to stop trying to outdo each other…especially in the pregnancy and birthing arena…it’s not a competition.

          1. Actually, the tongue-clicking disapproval over co-sleeping is largely a Western/American thing. Co-sleeping happens all over the globe in many different cultures. The alleged suffocation risk is based on imprecise science and the actual risk is virtually non-existent unless other factors come into play (alcohol, drugs, stupidity, etc.). Doctors just say not to do it in order to cover their own asses.

            http://libaware.economads.com/sleepwithme.php

            http://www.parenting.com/article/ask-dr-sears-co-sleeping-a-sids-danger

          2. Dont say that co_sleeping risks are false just because you can google some studies, and the defense that everyone else does and has been doing it for eons is ludacris. If we used that excuse we would never see change or improvement in anything. Co sleeping is fine and I don’t judge, in fact allow my daughter to sleep with us but it is very dangerous for infants to sleep with you. Just like any issue for every study that says something is bad, you can find 2 that say its actually good, its the nature of the information age. I honestly could care less about the studies, i rely on practical experience because if my child dies from suffocation someone telling me that the studies said it was ok, would be of little consolation. I, as a Paramedic of over 10 years have seen it over and over. In fact other than a couple car accidents, every infant that I responded to that died was a co sleeping scenario and they died of suffocation (the crushing theory is unlikely). Just 2 weeks ago, i did CPR and pushed every drug I could think of on a 1 month old but nothing had an effect, later we learned she had suffocated in bed hours earlier and was only still warm because she was between mom and dad. So studies be damned, practical experience will keep me pushing to have parents think twice about how they sleep with infants. There arw ways to co sleep with infants that reduces the risk and I have never seen with a bad outcome but just putting an infant in between you in bed is like playing russian roulette, you may get away with it today or even duntil they grow up, but tomorrow could also be the day you accidentally suffocate your baby and that isn’t a risk that I think is worth taking. If you must have your baby sleep with you before they can move with ease on their own, they should be in a bassinet or basket in bed with you and kept away from the edge of the bed. FYI, I completely agree with this article other than I wish they would put a caviat about sleeping arrangements with infants being dangerous. It is safe for children that can move around on their own.

      5. As an alternate option, I thought he meant rip a piece like, smoke a bowl. With pot in it. I wonder what his true meaning is now.

      6. Mine slept with me/us, until they eventually decided they wanted their own room and privacy. When they were ready, they were ready!! And they are very independent and successful adults now. They were never clingy or abnormal… just the opposite.

    2. Yep. But then, how would we find something to argue about if we weren’t so easily offended?
      Take care of your baby how you see fit. But make sure you are confident in the choices you make for your baby. If you are absolutely confident you made the right choices, then you have no reason to be offended! 😉

    3. Then maybe people should stop asking stupid questions, making uneducated but opinionated comments. The question I got most after having my twins was “did you use in vitro or fertility drugs?” No I did not. Twins happen in older mothers and identical mirror twins are a random happening.
      It is right on that many mothers struggle with breast feeding and are made to feel guilty because for some reason or another they cannot provide what their baby/babies need(s).
      People care about this because it questions their parenting. In this day and age of illegitimate claims to DSH for “perceived” child abuse by parents it is a legitimate concern.

    4. When you have people constantly second guessing your parenting choices, it makes for a bit of a lonely island. It’s nice to hear a voice of agreement, which for some people is likely the first or at least close to first time they have heard this.

    5. I agree with everything except the covering part. You’re still taking care of your baby in public if you’re covered and that does affect other people. (No offense but I don’t want to see your breast and it’s rude to not even ask first. It’s called common courtesy.) Whereas how you take care of your child/children is entirely up to you and I don’t tell anyone how they should. Not my kid. I have 5 of my own…

      1. Glad your kids all liked their covers. Mine doesn’t. I ask if we’re in close quarters (like on an airplane or a dining table), but I’m not going to ask every single person in Target/the restaurant/the park/etc. Honestly, a woman with a low cut shirt shows a lot more breast than I do feeding my kid unless you stare at me for the two seconds my kid is latching on. I agree with the author — look away if you don’t like it. It’s not like there’s 4 million women feeding their babies around everyone all the time.

      2. I think it’s rude and ridiculous that you are over sexualizing breastfeeding. The baby is EATING and maybe he won’t nurse with a cover. You clearly have never dealt with a baby that won’t nurse with a cover and screams in protest. I don’t personally nurse in public, but shame on you for judging someone that does, especially since your a mother yourself! Do you really think they are just attention seeking?!?! If you don’t want to see then…GASP…LOOK AWAY!

      3. It’s called feeding our baby when they are hungry. I mean I could try explaining to my baby that he/she can’t eat yet because I haven’t gotten the ok to pull my boob out long enough for her to latch on….which, by the way, no one never even saw the top of my breast when I nursed my kids.

      4. Listen to me, NO ONE needs to ask permission to breastfeed their child in public. Who the hell are you to think you deserve to be asked if you are ok with a mother nursing near you? Get over yourself woman. That is not a situation that deserves courtesy because it is simply none of your business. For a mother, you have just proven the whole point of this article. Next time you are in a restaurant, have someone cover your head and see how you feel. Why would a woman object to seeing another breastfeeding? You puzzle and annoy me.

      5. What about the common courtesy of looking away and allowing the mother to tend to her child in comfort? You make it sound as if your (as a member of the general public) comfort is more important than that of the hungry infant. Turn your head! No one asked you to watch said mother breastfeed. Walk away, and have a nice day 🙂

      6. Nobody ever tells a dog to put it’s nipples away when feeding it’s puppies, or any other animal on this planet that feeds their young with milk, cows just walk around with them dangling around, and we pull on those with our bare hands for heavens sake. Nobody’s says “Put those away!” in any of these cases. It shouldn’t be different just because we are humans, it’s the natural course of nature, and it has been since the first mammals walked on the earth so people need to get over it.

      7. Don’t want to see my boob? Don’t look. But I’ll be sure to ask everyone within eyesight the next time my infant is screaming because she’s hungry. #byefelicia

      8. I have shirts specific for feeding I cover during the latch then let my shirt move. Usually it looks like my little girl is sleeping. My son and daughter use to throw my cover off so eventually I said screw it. You sit at a table and eat and don’t ask my permission to eat in public my children don’t need yours. Breasts are biological made for that purpose not for a sexual function.

      9. If you don’t want to see the skin that is my boob than look away. Because all you will see is my baby’s head and my skin. You see more than that at the beach, and No I will not ask to feed my kid, if it bothers you, that’s your problem.

    6. easily offended??? seriously? how can you call it ‘easily’ when that judgement in in your face 24/7. parenting is difficult enough without the barrage of opinions questioning every move you make – from the so-called professionals on social media to every other parent you run in to. we should be able to share stories and talk about our kids and families without the fear of judgement. we shouldn’t have to hole up and keep to ourselves. let’s just respect each other as parents as this author suggests.

      by the way, awesome article. easy and to the point.

    7. Sean, not everyone has sex strictly at bedtime. Having a kid in your room at night does not, in any way, take away all your opportunities for sex. Not in the least.

      1. Right?! I mean there is the kitchen, the living room, the vehicle, the spare bedroom, the barn, the mid room, the bathroom ect….. Life is an adventure! ?

    8. I must admit, we “sleep like a family ” as my 4 year old says. Yes, they are out of our bed but they are not out of our room. Both kids have a cot in the master and before everyone hates, my husband is on board. We have a guest room that my husband and I go to and watch movies and “fold laundry” in, so just because we co sleep doesn’t mean we lost site of one another

    9. Because being a parent, especially a new parent, is scary and confusing, and people tend to doubt themselves easily and some people often wonder if what they are doing is the best thing. Having people jump down your throat about every minor thing you’re doing when you are a vulnerable new parent is even more stressful and confusing. This article, while it does sound like it’s written by a high strung ranting college freshman, is trying to explain that unless you’re worried about a child’s safety, you should probably keep your opinions to yourself.

    10. In my experience, the problem isn’t that it’s offensive it’s that the judgement and snarky comments are never ending. I go out with my 5 month old and will get comments from strangers like – oh dear you really shouldn’t let her suck her thumb… Umm excuse me but your baby pulled her socks off, and babies need socks… You know that baby should have a hat on.. (or if she’s wearing a hat) You know that baby is probably burning up in that hat! I’ve had strangers ask me what is in her bottle bc you know the breast is best! I could go on but you get the point.

      I have a tendency to mess with people because I don’t feel the need to overshare nor do I care what your opinions are of my parenting style. So when someone asks me where she sleeps, I reply something like, “On the floor with the dogs. She loves them and they cuddle with her and keep her warm so it’s perfect!” Then I smile and walk away. I get a giggle and don’t feel judged bc I didn’t actually answer and hopefully* the understand it’s really none of their business. (And yes I’ve had strangers ask me where by baby sleeps. Why they even care I don’t know)

      1. Love it ! Use to do similar things when my children were babies ! Classic was old lady bending over pram and then pulled dummy from his mouth and told the baby ( but it was me u don’t need that dirty dummy ) baby starts bawling ! Mother picks up dummy and gives back to crying baby turns to old woman baby loves his dirty dummy thank you very much

    11. In my experience, the problem isn’t that it’s offensive it’s that the judgement and snarky comments are never ending. I go out with my 5 month old and will get comments from strangers like – oh dear you really shouldn’t let her suck her thumb… Umm excuse me but your baby pulled her socks off, and babies need socks… You know that baby should have a hat on.. (or if she’s wearing a hat) You know that baby is probably burning up in that hat! I’ve had strangers ask me what is in her bottle bc you know the breast is best! I could go on but you get the point.

      I have a tendency to mess with people because I don’t feel the need to overshare nor do I care what your opinions are of my parenting style. So when someone asks me where she sleeps, I reply something like, “On the floor with the dogs. She loves them and they cuddle with her and keep her warm so it’s perfect!” Then I smile and walk away. I get a giggle and don’t feel judged bc I didn’t actually answer and hopefully* the understand it’s really none of their business. (And yes I’ve had strangers ask me where my baby sleeps. Why they even care I don’t know)

    12. Because people are very aggressive with their judgement. They yell at other parents, blast them on social media, even call CPS. It’s hurtful and damaging. It’s more than a just “don’t worry about it” problem.

    13. It’s a little bit of both I think. Yes people need to stop being offended by every little thing but at the same time people need to learn to shut up and mind their own damn business.

    14. It’s issue because people judging has gotten to the point where they call the cops because the neighbor kids are playing outside, or because a mom let her ten-year-old wait by the car, or because the kids walk home from park by themselves.
      You can’t just say “don’t get offended” when some of these nosy people are causing a lot of harm to families.

    15. Because, frankly, one can get inundated with bullshit about how everyone thinks one is doing it wrong. It’s one thing for you to think that I’m doing it wrong, but to feel the need to tell me that I’m doing it wrong is exhausting for me. Because, believe it or not, you’re not the only self righteous asshole who back when you did it, did it differently and feels the need to share.
      Imagine if every day at least one or two people, strangers and friends and family, felt the need to tell you all the things you’re doing wrong throughout the day. It’s mentally exhausting and downright devastating. That shit piles up for a while and can break you.

    16. Well, when people tell you that you are poisoning your child for giving them the only food you can because your body has failed to do it’s job and you are already emotionally unstable thanks to postpartum depression it’s hard to ignore.

      Maybe, instead of judging people, a choice you are making in telling them to stop being easily offended, just be decent? It’s a lot easier to not be a dick than it is to control hormonally charged emotions, or change the desperation many moms feel. It has always been easier to choose your words than it is to choose your emotions. And we have NO IDEA what others are going through when we make those comments about how people parent or how easily offended they seem to be. ARE they easily offended? Or are they on their last shred of failing strength? Are they being too thin skinned or are they desperately parenting a child alone, or not alone but without any real help from the person who helped produce the child?

      Personally I would rather err on the side of being a decent human being spreading love, rather than telling people they are living their lives wrong because I do not understand what they are going through.

  2. After four years of infertility I am 6 months pregnant with my first child. The amount of questions I get about what time of delivery I am going to have or will I breastfeed and then the opinions to follow amaze me. This blog just made my day. You officially have a new fan.

    1. Thanks for the comment! Quick question — I’m seeing a ton of traffic, which is awesome but, where are you all coming from?!?!?

    2. Congratulations!
      My comment (which I posted before I read yours) was my advice for new parents ~
      Everyone will give you lots of advice – so here is mine – Listen to their advice – nod – let it go in one ear and out the other – go home and do what you feel is best! You are the parent and you know what is best!
      Have fun – enjoy every minute of it from pregnancy forward – there is magic in all of the moments!

  3. Someone posted this article in a Mom’s over Thirty Facebook group I’m in (about an hour ago).

    This really is great advice – why don’t we all just not care about how other people are parenting? But I also agree with SS’s comment – why don’t we all just not care about what other people think?

    Really, we all have opinions and what is normal for some is weird to others. I think “ew, weird, gross” when someone tells me that they use onion soup mix in their secret slow cooker gravy recipe that “everyone just raves about” but do I tell them that? No. I’m polite about it. Why can’t people have the same respect when someone says they let their kid co-sleep with the family schnoodle or whatever?

    1. Doctor Phil says” men and little boys have erections while asleep, so keep the little girls out of dads bed or away from dads side. I have five kids and never once thought about that. Bet few of the women thought of that.

      1. Kids sleep with both of their parents all of the time, so I never gave it a thought; however you must have thought about it more than once because you’re mentioning it.

  4. Sis your baby eating? PERFECT! Our “Lactation Consultant” made my wife cry by dropping this bomb on visit #2…”I’m sorry you don’t have a happy baby!” EXCUSE ME….WHAT? HAVE YOU SEEEEEN OUR BUNDLE OF JOY? Needless to say, we moved on from the Stepford Wives Breastfeeding class and we EP’d…Ben is 15Mos now and in perfect health.

    1. When I desperately tried breastfeeding after my son was born, my lactation consultant told me: “Listen, there are mothers who adopt children and are able to breastfeed, there are no reason why you shouldn’t be able to do this.”

      I didn’t have milk. No matter how much I tried, what I ate, how much I drank, how much I pumped, self-expressed, put it on my breast, tried different position, drank tea every two seconds, there was no milk. But hey, I’m a failure. Because stress is good when trying to breastfeed…Needless to say, we didn’t go see her again. Sorry about your experience 🙂

      1. I didn’t have milk with either of my boys. I wanted to punch every lactation consultant who felt the need to tell me that “all women can breast feed, just keep trying.” My first born son was healthy and happy and I gave up pretty early on with him and formula fed, and didn’t get upset about any negative comments I heard, because he was fat and happy and perfect. My second son was born at 27 weeks. Talk about traumatic. I pumped every 2 hours for 36 straight days, just trying to get even a DROP of colostrum. Anything. Finally a nurse walked in on me pumping unsuccessfully and bawling my eyes out in the NICU. She said, “Oh honey….you can stop now. Stop doing this to yourself. Your son is doing JUST fine on formula, and he needs a happy mom more than he needs breast milk.” That lady was an angel who saved my life, I swear!

        1. Just remember at one point way back before formula there were wet nurses… do people realize why they came about. You poor thing. Never feel bad some women can’t it’s been happening since the dawn of time. However women use to help each other out. Now it doesn’t matter if the baby eats the baby eats. 🙂

      2. Lactation consultants can be total, utter bitches. I had a different issue than you, but it was still mega difficult – I had a horrible LC at the hospital and an amazing one who came to my house – she was the one who gave me “permission” to EP. In my exhausted state, I would never have thought of that and probably would have given up. Breastfeeding is HARD, and those to whom it comes naturally rarely understand why. I can’t tell you how many of those women asked if we had checked for a tongue tie or lip tie. Yeah, lady…two lactation consultants, at least three pediatricians, and even my friggin’ dentist. I think they know better than you do, but congrats on reading all those blogs.

        Honestly, we’d all be a lot less crazy if we stayed off the internet. (And yet here I am, leaving a nasty comment on yet another parenting post. Sigh. Vicious cycle.)

    2. The whole breastfeeding debate is beyond obnoxious because BOTH sides have gotten so extreme. I don’t even have kids. But I do know that my mom was hardcore into educating herself when she had me. And yes, breast IS best when it’s reasonably available.

      As for me, I seemed to have latched on. There was plenty of milk. But I was a “colic-y” baby. I’d eat and eat and then cry for hours. Why? Oh yeah, I was allergic….to my own mother’s breast milk. It made me horribly sick. Granted, this was 30 years ago and there’s a decent chance that now she would have been able to do an elimination diet around certain things….but that wasn’t available. And whatever made me happy and healthy and gain weight was the answer. Yurned out it was some super expensive horrible smelling soy concoction. But here I am. Alive and functioning!

      And on the other end, I know a woman who just went back to work after maternity leave. She’s been happily breastfeeding but obviously needs to pump. And does so around her core group of coworkers with a cover and without anyone caring. And then, the higher-ups told her…maybe don’t do it during “these hours” in case we have to touch base with you. WTFWTFWTF. Her job already restricts the times she CAN pump. So she does it where and when she can. And the grown ass adults in this situation need to suck it up and deal (much of the day is spent working with kids…hence the restrictions). Honestly, since when did providing food for your baby become so damn political?!?

      1. That’s illegal her work is supposed to have a special room that has a lock that she can go and pump and be able to relax and have the privacy she wants and needs no woman should have to pump in front of people of they don’t feel comfortable do it

  5. I have seen blogs like this many times about how we should stop criticizing parents for their choices. The problem with this kind of blogs is that you are completely missing the point specially with regards to breastfeeding and birth experiences or choices.

    You know what? Not everyone knows breast is best. And by the way is not that breast is best, it’s just the biological norm that we have abandoned in our society. The problem here is that you are implying that if I think that we should have more health policies to support breastfeeding education then that means I criticize women that formula feed. I don’t care if someone decides to use formula. I do care however if hospitals and pediatricians aren’t doing enough to support breastfeeding.

    Because how we feed our infants is actually very important and we are failing to our children by this attitude of “as long as they are being feed”. Sorry but that’s very superficial.

    1. You know what I did not like.. The fact that my hospital supported breastfeeding so much that they made me feel like a complete and utter failure and had me sobbing and refused to let me formula feed in hospital. It gave me severe anxiety and stress, affected the bonding with my newborn, oh, and the kicker, I had gone through 21 hours of NONMEDICATED labour, only to have an emergency c-section (knocked out completely) that nearly ended both of our lives. I am sorry, formula has come a long way, and people like you are the reason some mothers feel inadequate and guilt during what should be one of the happiest moments of their lives.

      1. EXACTLY my experience as a new Mom….put me straight into postpartum depression due to Gestational Diabetes, my milk came in late & not as much. Nurses REALLY made me feel guilty, glad none of them were there when I had baby 2, much better experience. but i know what you mean!

      2. Amen! With my first delivery, I had a C section, difficulty with milk coming in, etc and the nurses and doctors refused to let me formula feed because it would cause “nipple confusion”. On the day we were to be discharged, they had to hold my daughter for observation because she was DEHYDRATED!! Lesson learned immediately that parents do know best when it comes to their children.

        1. with my first I had a c-section. When I was finally allowed to see him I tried to nurse him I couldn’t get him to latch right away…he was lethargic, he was my first baby, I was tired, I had lost a lot of blood due to placental separation, he had lost cord blood, it was about 2 in the morning and we had been about 12+ hours after he was born, missing the “golden hour” by a lot!). The nurse in NICU hovered, watching me try. Then acted all frustrated with me and told me “if he hasn’t latched on yet, he isn’t going to, just give him formula”. I wanted to cry! Where was the support I expected! Where was the compassion and care? All women need is support either way! Over the next couple of days I was pressured to fed him formula, he was losing weight they told me. I thought about it, and the thought came to me that babies only eat when they are awake enough to do so! So I asked to pump and fed him that…I asked them, what was the difference between bottle feeding him formula and bottle feeding him what I could pump? They finally agreed, but they were annoyed because it was more work. They had only one pump in the hospital, that had to be shared! I would ask for it and it would take an hour to get it. I was trying to make them happy and I was still trying to nurse. I think they simply wanted to know how much he was eating and when it’s in a bottle they can measure it! I know there is nothing wrong about feeding formula, except, if you want to nurse, it’s will hinder your production. You have to nurse and/or pump to keep your milk. Feeding supplemental formula could take away that work up production. So, when he was vaguely awake I nursed him and when he wasn’t, I pumped and tried to fed him that too (as his supplement) but he still slept most of the time. I pumped and got an ounce or two and he would be too tired to eat it and it went to waste. If I had given him formula, what would have been the difference? less production. He was still too tired to eat it.They could tube fed him, but they didn’t offer that option. Then my milk came in with force (all at once) and whoa, that was a whole new problem…however, a wonderful nurse, on my last day at the hospital came in and asked if she could help. She was a God send. She ASKED if she could help. Then she explained what she thought we should do and waited for my permission and agreement, then she helped. THAT is what women need. Support in helping them with their goals. She helped me express and get him to latch on correctly. If my milk hadn’t come in, then I should have had support to know that a formula fed baby is a fed baby too! To not push in one direction or another, but support them. Sometimes you have to fight to breastfeed and sometimes you have to fight to bottle fed. We shouldn’t have to fight to fed them.

      3. People like me? I said in my post that I do not care if you decide to use formula. I have nothing to do with the type of experience You had. I am very sorry you went through a hard time but that is not what “peope like me” want for mothers.

        Please re read my post. I meant to say that by supporting breasfeeding policies it does not mean that I am shaming mothers. It’s impossible to have a discussion about infant feeding because everyone wants to see things from their experience and not realize what makes sense.

        Your hospital should have had a lactation consultant asses you and your baby or being able to see one as soon as possible and the nurses should never make you feel bad for your choices. Breasfeeding does not have to be all or nothing either.

        If we really had good policies regarding breastfeeding and knowledge more infants would be breastfeed. That is a FACT. If you have a bad experience with more reason you should have had the support you needed.

        And by the way women who breastfed also get a lot of crap from healthcare professionals and other people. You don’t have the monopoly on that one.

        1. I have to say I got a ton of crap for breastfeeding . People really try to humiliate and shame you when you breastfeed (even an infant)! No wonder people quit. It’s horrible. And it started in the hospital with health professionals telling me “formula is fine! You don’t have to be a martyr!” Pressuring me to use formula! People telling me “I don’t know why you’re doing THAT , it’s only really good for them the first week or so.” People being upset and disgusted when I would nurse my infant. People saying I “should go to the bathroom to do THAT. ” People saying that I’m “really only breastfeeding to fulfill some need of my own, not my baby’s.” On and on and on . I’m so tired of formula feeding moms acting like they are always shamed and they are so discriminated against. All my neighbors formula fed and everyone praised them! They were never ever shunned. I was looked at with disgust when I nursed! I nursed both my babies anyway . I never saw any of my formula feeding mind shamed or chastised but I was many times!

          1. Oh and when I would defend my breastfeeding, I was told I was being annoying and that I was being judgmental . I could not win. You have no idea how hard it is to be a breastfeeding mom. They freakin throw us out of restaurants and malls for feeding our babies. Seriously! I hope it gets better for us because a woman really has gone pretty tough to breastfeed and live life … Otherwise it’s hide all the time or use formula.

          2. I’m with ya sister!! You’re not alone. As a breastfeeding Momma I am constantly being judged. I’ve heard it all from I’m just fulfilling something that I need, to being told to go to gross public bathrooms to do it. I generally try not to feed my baby in public because I’m very tired of hearing what a horrible mom I am, or how my baby girl is going to be overly attached to me, but when there is no where private & babe’s screaming because she’s hungry .. what else do ya do! You can’t tell a 6m old they have to wait to make sure we don’t offend anyone. And it’s not like I’m walking around boob out, fortunately babe doesn’t mind being covered when she’s eating, but I still get the “that’s gross” stare, employees will try to direct me to the bathroom, when the only way they would know babe was eating would be to look at me for much longer than any person should look at another person

        1. So true. I knew from the moment that I was having twins that I wouldn’t breastfeed. I knew that I just couldn’t handle that, and would probably have a mental/emotional/physical breakdown if I tried. Lots of people tried to convince me that it is possible and can still be simple to breastfeed two, but my confidence in my choice for me and my twins never wavered… I know us best, after all!

      4. Yep, the same thing happened to me. I was reduced to tears in the hospital with both of my children. The behavior of the nurses was generally horrifying, and they pitched a fit about me formula feeding when my milk hadn’t come in, I had been nursing my daughter for several hours straight and she was still screaming with hunger while I was exhausted and lost.

        It’s infant formula, not motor oil. It even says breastfeeding is better ON THE FORMULA BOXES because people have gone so far crazy over EBF. And it’s not even accurate! Maybe you should read the latest metastudy data regarding breast vs bottle.

    2. How someone else feeds their infant is NOT important to you. Mothers have the right to make decisions for themselves and their families without judgement. Most women (because at this point it’s been crammed down our throats) know the benefits of breastfeeding. I know I researched the heck out of it but at the end of the day still picked formula because I knew it was best for me and my children. We all thrived because of it. No guilt here. Stop assuming you know what’s right for everyone.

      1. It probably makes a difference where you are from. Nobody here frown on whatever sleeping arrangements Eric…but I wou like to disagree by saying in some countries it is important how someone else feed their infant. Here (where I live ) in rural Africa more bottle fed babies die (YES DIE) of dehydration than vice versa… I think it is safe to say those babies could have had a chance if breastfeeding information and support was as well covered as wherever most people on this thread are from (where it is so readily available that it has become boring and offensive)….just a thought

    3. It is true, but, a lot of hospitals were also stopping their formula support programs in the promotion of breastfeeding. They were no longer giving advice on what to supplement with. I find everything wrong with this. Many women are not able to breastfeed or are away from their child and are in need of direction just as much as a breastfeeding parent.

    4. Of course we should let people know that breast is best. However….there really is a lot of criticism out there with regard to not breastfeeding. And not everyone can do it. They shouldn’t get condescending comments and disapproving glares in that case. There have been stories of babies who died of malnourishment because breastfeeding wasn’t going well, and I’d wager a guess that the medical professionals didn’t take note and kept pushing for no formula (happened to me — they downplayed the situation and kept pushing the no-formula thing with my daughter. I did eventually go on to nurse her for over two years, but if I hadn’t fed her formula in the beginning when I noticed something was seriously wrong, she’d be dead right now). Of course breastfeeding is the biological norm, but even in pre-formula days, it didn’t always work out, and the options then were a wet nurse or a dead baby.

    5. It goes both ways. There are new moms that are made to feel like failures for the hop for choosing formula and there are moms who are told if they can’t get their hours old infant on the boob asap they’ll be given formula (when it’s against mom & dads plan) that was my experience with my first. She was having a bit of trouble with the latch (mere hours in) and the nurses were forceful and not at all helpful or supportive about getting the breast down pat. I was made to feel ashamed and crushed… rushed and hurt.

      My second took to the breast immediately, I had a home birth, no drugs and two amazing supportive and informed midwives.

      So I’ve experienced both. I say you do what you need to do for what works for you!

      I’m still shocked I managed a drug free home birth, what with being a big baby when it comes to menstrual cramps nvm contractions…

      But I did it!

    6. More policies that support breast feeding sound awesome. I don’t mind that kind of info. What I do mind is that I did both BF and FF (pumping was giving me PPD). No one ever said a word to me (other than on the internet) about BF. But I have had women make comments when I gave my kid formula. That’s the judgment I do mind.

      I WISH we had a ton more support as a country for moms in general. Being a new mom was a really lonely thing, and I was even lucky to have a weekly new parents group in my town AND a lactation consultant whose favorite phrase was “as long as you feed your baby, you’re good.” Wish everyone had what I had and more.

    7. I disagree. The “breast is best” campaign is bullying and rude. We know. I got mastitis, which destroyed my supply. Now I have to supplement with formula despite pumping after every feed, seeing 4 different lactation consultants, taking weird herbal supplements and teas. When I go buy formula, even the packaging tells me I’m a failure for buying it. We got it. We know it’s best. Just leave us alone.

      1. It’s not “bullying” to educate. There are tons of new moms who make it to birth completely uneducated about how great breastfeeding is for the baby (and for mom). Not everyone will choose to breastfeed. It should, however, be encouraged because it IS beneficial. I’m not “shaming” alternate choices, but educating people is NOT “bullying.” I also had mastitis by the way, so I understand, but luckily my supply was adequate.

        1. I call BS on this. What mother in the Western world isn’t fully aware of her feeding choices before she delivers a baby?? Those that didn’t care to find out in those long 9 months sure as hell aren’t going to care when they “make it to birth,” and there’s probably far more alarming issues to address in those cases. Formula IS beneficial, too. I still fail to see why any stranger should give a care about “educating” complete strangers about the scientifically minimal differences between formula and breastmilk. I guarantee you can’t tell the difference between the formula fed and breastfed children you encounter at a playground. Expend your “education” efforts on something that actually matters.

  6. Uggh, the WORST is when people get all uppity about vaccinations.
    Hey, maybe I don’t want my kid to get autism. Why don’t you worry about your OWN kids? It’s not like my choices have anything to do with YOU.

    Also, I’ve seen people get upset about the woman who wants to have a sea birth with the dolphins. Dolphins are beautiful creatures made by the Lord and it’s her right to include them in her special day. Dolphins don’t even eat humans. smh.

    1. Your choice not to vaccinate DOES affect other’s children when your child spreads diseases that should be eradicated by now. If you want to keep your child in bubble, then by all means.

      1. LOL! Pretty sure she wasn’t being serious about the vaccinations OR the dolphins. I mean really… “dolphins don’t even eat humans”…? C’mon, you know she’s just out to get a laugh or rile someone up (which apparently worked). Pretty sure 99.9% of “anti-vaxxers” in 2015 don’t believe that vaccines cause autism, but have problems with them for other reasons.

      2. By choosing not to vaccinate your children endangers all other children! If you feel that way then yes homeschool your children and keep them in a bubble. Yes, they are your children…they are your gift..that also means please be a responsible adult. Please also read statistics and newest info on autism and other childhood issues.
        If you are so concerned about your child then stop child from drinking milk, eating meat,poultry,
        Fish. Stop buying all foods unless organic (and that’s ?) research what is being done to the food we are eating and putting in our mouths.
        Also, look at the drugs we are taking! ( not illegal ones) birth control. What r long term effects?
        We as a society hastily swallow pills to make us feel better about life instead of dealing with issues, we pop pills for every lil ache and pain in our body.
        I quess it’s just easier to blame immunizing your child then it is to look at ourselves and what we are feeding our kids

        1. Wow Marion, you came onto the comments section of a piece suggesting that individuals *stop getting in other parent’s business* and got in another mother’s business with a TON of assumptions and opinions. Thumbs up! Just goes to show that some individuals JUST DON’T GET IT no matter how many times it’s said-do you know this individual *doesn’t* homeschool? The irony of the Disneyland outbreak was a) it appears to have originated from *recently vaccinated children shedding the virus* (which is a known side effect of vaccination) and b) VACCINATED KIDS CAUGHT THE MEASLES. Now, in what universe in which *vaccinations are effective* do vaccinated kids CATCH THE VIRUS? Yeah. Bizarre. However, you keep going with your campaign of offensive and uninformed orders to do research (because of your uniformed and biased ideas that said parent *hasn’t* done their research BECAUSE THEY DISAGREE WITH YOU) and making colossal assumptions about diet. I’m sure such an opinionated attitude will take you far.

      3. If you believe the vaccinations you give your child are protecting them from these diseases then why attack other parents who are not vaccinating their children? Do you not trust that the vaccines that you are giving your child will will protect them? If not then thats a whe other issue but if your child is vaccinated why worry if someone else’s isn’t? The risk of contracting most of the diseases we vaccinate for is actually less than the risks of the possible side affects of the vaccines themselves, which can be severe. I know because I experienced the hell that is vaccine side affects with my daighter in the form of seizures. But again to the point…Let each parent make their own decisions regarding their children without judgment. Judge not lest ye be judged.

    2. Your choices about vaccinations DO affect other children’s health and can even kill them. If you don’t want to vaccinate, then home-school your child and keep them away from everyone else’s kids. And the link between vaccinations and autism has been proven to be false several times over.

    3. Vaccines do NOT cause autism. That was a falsified document with bunk data made up by a doctor who has since lost his license.

    4. Autism is not spread by vaccinations. That is completely false information you are feeding into and you need to check your sources before falling into lies such as this one. “Anti-vaccing” is absolutely dangerous, as it reintroduces diseases that should be eradicated. Pick up a book, read a little.

    5. For serious? Your choice not to vaccinate your children does affect other people, you ignorant fool. It’s because of people like you that we are experiencing outbreaks of diseases like measles that were effectively eradicated a long time ago. There is no link between vaccines and autism – that’s just utter nonsense.

      1. I find it hilarious that you accuse someone of being an ignorant fool when it’s painfully obvious you suffer from some form of illiteracy that hinders your reading comprehension. “Dolphins don’t even eat people.” Obvious sarcastic post is obviously sarcastic.

    6. Hah! Was about to get annoyed about vaccines. Saw someone else did.

      Then read the bit about Dolphins. Figured you were hilarious and probably joking about vaccination as well.

      Now I see that this dolphin thing is a true story and I wonder…

    7. Ummm as the mom of a 25 week micro preemie your choices as far as vaccines do affect me and my child. If you want to delay or split them up that is fine and maybe even understandable but when your child who could have been vaccinated gets my child who couldn’t sick to the point of hospitalization or god forbid death that is my problem. Also vaccines work on a herd mentality, ie they only work if so many people get them.

      1. What about the LARGE number of adults who are unvaccinated, and the ones who aren’t even up to date on their vaccines? Hmm?
        I sure hope you make sure that everyone who visits your baby is up to date. Some people might even say they are, when they really aren’t, so make sure you demand vaccination records. 😉

    8. It’s been well-established that vaccines do not cause autism. The one study that showed a link has been thoroughly disproven and withdrawn by the researchers. Please educate yourself.
      If you refuse to vaccinate, you are actively endangering others – and that’s absolutely everyone else’s business.

    9. Actually, birthing with bottle-nosed dolphins is EXTREMELY dangerous. They are wild animals with a history of being aggressive and territorial. People have done it, yes. Was it magical, yes. Not risking being raped by a dolphin then my baby dragged away and beat to death… They beat porpoises for fun.

    10. Except vaccines have been proven to not cause autism because there is no correlation of any kind. That “medical journal” had fake evidence in it and has been thrown out due to false conclusions based on random information. No to mention the 3 other journals published after which include real data and show there is no correlation. And by the way not vaccinating your kid does affect everyone else. Your kid could be the one that catches some weird disease and brings back an almost extinct deadly illness. Manh illnesses like measles and rubella were very rare and almost extinct 10-20 years ago, but this stupid fad which has been scientifically disproven over and over again has spiked the rates of occurrence for these diseases and spread them across the world again where they may kill people who have a weaken amine system or people who physically can’t handle vaccinations such as those poor children who have cancer and are going through chemo, etc. So unless you have a legitimate reason for not vaccinating your child stop using this worn out washed up fear of autism to back your decisions. Vaccines do not cause autism and you are simply putting your kid and everyone else at much greater risk by not having them vaccinated. Even if your claims were true, I’d rather have to take care of my kid a little more because they got autism rather than watch them and my whole family slowly begin to die from some untreatable hemoragic illness from the Middle Ages.

  7. My husband and I raised fifteen children. No, I did not give birth to them all. Only three of them. Quite frankly everyone needs to get over themselves, period. You do not live in every home raising children and the way most children turn out by today’s standards you shouldn’t have an opinion anyway parents. Our children are all decent, loving, honest, caring, contributing adults who are raised as individuals not someone else’s “standard”. This sites comments were spot on. Keep up the site with the dose of reality!

    1. One of my best friends as a teen was the oldest of 9 kids. They lived in a 3 bedroom house- girls’ room, boys’ room, mom and dad’s room. It was crazy, loud, and overwhelming at their house, but also really fun! I’m the youngest in my family, so being around that many little kids was great.They homeschool and I know they get a lot of comments from people who disaprove.
      You know what? All nine of those kids are extremely talented and intelligent. The oldest three are in college or have graduated. They are a great family.

  8. Sometimes there is no choice in childbirth. My grandmother had two c-sections. One in 1931 and the other in 1933. My mom had hers in 1952,1954,(me) and 1956 and yes, women aren’t limited to two, even though , back in the day, you got cut from your belly button to the pubic bone. I had 51 hrs. of labour, a high forceps birth( they don’t even do that anymore) and finally delivered a healthy baby girl. The small hospital I was sent to had only a visiting DR. who didn’t have anyone to do the anesthetic, and when my baby’s heartbeat depressed under 80, he got a bit concerned. My daughter was in hard labour and they finally figured out that baby wasn’t going to fit, they did a c-section. No choices for any of us. She couldn’t breastfeed her first and I think she was too overwhelmed physically. I was there to help her and she put her babe on the bottle. Breastfeeding doesn’t make you a good mom, bottle feeding doesn’t make you a bad on.

  9. This blog is great but… Breast isn’t best. You missed the point with that one. Breastfeeding has benefits but it’s not some magical potion capable of solving the worlds problems. It’s food. And so isn’t formula. Your message should have been: breastfeed. Formula feed. Your baby. Your body. Your choice.

    1. Uh sorry but she was right the first time. It is the best option. If you can’t do it then thank goodness there are options and people shouldn’t have to feel guilty for using them but its just a fact that breast milk is the “best” option out there

    2. Breast is better that formula though. It can help keep a baby healthy in ways formula cant. Especially if we are comparing breastmil to the cheapest crappiest formula.
      So really, you are the one who missed the point.

  10. @Nevaeh the problem is vaccines do not cause autism, and your unvaccinated child puts others who cannot be vaccinated (newborns, child recovering from cancer etc) at risk. If you do not want to vaccinate your child that is in the end your choice, just do not hide behind lies to do.

  11. @ Kate Meier

    You touched a public nerve on breastfeeding, mainly because your argument is based from the perspective of what is best for the mother/parents, and not what is best for the child. Many of the other arguments are inconsequential to the health of the child (with the exception of the sleeping arrangements, which have the potential to be hazardous to the child if not executed with proper concern, such as an infant being crushed by an adult in their sleep), but breastfeeding is exclusively about the health and well being of the child.

    While formula is an alternative that can be used, it should not be thought of as equal to breast milk. Many parents feel that the choice revolves around their own comfort, due to the false equivalency of breast milk and formula.

    Many parents use the reasoning that their milk didn’t come in. This is mostly a failing of education about lactation. Milk doesn’t come in for 2-3 days in most cases, the amount of colostrum a mother’s breast produces can sometimes be small beyond notice. What most people mean by their milk not coming in is that their baby seemed to want more milk than the mother could produce. This is a cluster feeding and it takes place anytime in the first 3 days from birth. This process brings in milk, and it reoccurs in about 3 weeks, and in another 3 weeks (and many more times). The process is painful and time consuming. This leads many mothers to cease breastfeeding, using the reasoning that they simply could not produce enough milk. While there may be some medical anomalies that prevent a mother’s milk from producing, the majority of cases stem from lack of education on lactation and preconceived notions of formula being equivalent of breast milk.

    The reason people take concern to stress “Breast is Best” is both because it is, and because the trend among parents in North America is to think of breast feeding as too hard and to simply cease breastfeeding in favour of formula. It is a behavior that prizes parental convenience and comfort over the health and well being of the child. While formula is sufficient, we should not begin from a place from what is sufficient for your baby, but always be committed to what is best.

    1. Hey there, author of this post here. Just wanted you to know that I EBF both my kids – one to almost a year, the other to two years. I was kicked out of a “mommy and me” class for nursing my toddler. I have stood on the front lines of pushing for change to normalize BF.

      I am a huge advocate of breastfeeding and believe in supporting women and educating women about it. The problem is that many people cannot and do not advocate for BF in a way that also supports women who cannot or do not BF. THAT is what this post is about.

    2. Well, the issue is more complicated then that. As a breastfeeding advocate myself, I am ashamed that you actually said “it is a behavior that favors parental convenience and comfort over the health and well being of the child.” No wonder there is such a backlash against breastfeeding advocates! No new mother is going to put her own convenience over her child’s health!

      Lack of education is certainly part of the problem, but there are a lot of other cultural components that weigh in as well. Birth interventions can delay and inhibit normal milk production in those early days, and babies really can be screaming in hunger while working to bring it in. Mothers may instinctively feel that, and telling them that the low milk supply is all in their heads, without explaining the mechanisms by which milk could be delayed, through no fault of theirs, would be more helpful than just saying “of course you can breastfeed if you just try hard enough.” That is just patronizing and unhelpful to the real struggle.

      And even in the best of circumstances, things can happen that make breastfeeding extremely difficult. When my fourth child was born, I had been breastfeeding babies and toddlers (including tandem nursing) for 7 consecutive years. I’d dealt with milk coming in late, thrush, plugged ducts, biting, an older baby who refused all solids, etc. I had a zillion breastfeeding mother friends, a supportive community, access to skilled lactation consultants, alternative and traditional health practitioners, a hundred references at my fingertips and did not work outside the home. And dealing with systemic thrush that resisted every treatment natural or medical for 6 months was one of the WQRST experiences of my life. I only managed to get through it because I wanted to experience the same beautiful breastfeeding relationship I’d had with his brothers… someday. And it eventually happened, and I don’t regret my choice. But I will never again (not that I ever did) presume to tell a mother she could breastfeed if she just tried hard enough, or imply she is more concerned about her own convenience than her child’s health because she’s not willing to endure tortuous pain and/or mental illness in the process.

      Mothers need support, not judgment. At the same time, for very good public health reasons, we need to bring awareness to the important health benefits of breastfeeding. But I’m not sure we’re targeting the right audience. We need to change culture, not blame mothers. In the U.S. it’s all part of a bigger picture: a overly-interventionist birthing culture, unchecked corporate advertising, an utter lack of postpartum care for mothers, lack of paid family leave, and a culture that does not value mothers or babies. Baby-friendly hospital policies and WIC incentives are not enough. Mothers are still basically alone trying to figure things out in a hostile culture as soon as they are home.

  12. Once you’ve witnessed actual child abuse, you stop caring so much about the details of other people’s loving and supportive parenting styles. By abuse I mean belittling language, hitting and other forms of violence.

    I think we have to move away from the idea of perfect parenting and more toward the concept of treating our kids like they’re people. Very young people in need of guidance, yes, but no one’s project or identity-maker.

  13. I LOVE the sleeping section!
    In many cultures families share a room and they all sleep better! We just moved our 8 year old into a bed right next to ours. My husband trucks and is gone Monday-Friday and she just always slept with Me. She desided one day that she wanted to sleep in her bed by ours….step 1.
    All I know is we sleep better and as for Spouse time be creative or make a separate room to have your “SPECIAL TIME” in.

  14. My children are 31 and 29. I smoked cigarettes (which I do regret), they were both formula fed and went I back to work, full time, after six weeks with both of them. They are both happily married, productive and most importantly, good, kind adults. My husband and I raise them using common sense. We taught them self respect and respect of others. They were raise by the “Do Unto Others” law. If more children were raise that way, we would have a much nicer society. Not the “me/I ” society we live in now.

  15. All of it is soo true. People are judge mental today! I had my first child at 18 years old & had to figure everything out on my own. I told people, thank you for showing me your way but since I don’t have my mother I will try to do my very best in raising her and I believe I have done very well. She is 27 now & has her own children. I had 3 more children, all a year apart from each other & believe me, everyone had something to say.
    Again, I said, I’ll do what I feel is the best for them & the rest of my kids, they are all older & doing just fine & I hope that they learned from me to believe in yourself & that u can listen to people tell u what u should or shouldn’t do or kindly say, thank you for your advice but I’ll be doing things my way & raising my children my way.

  16. Agreed with all except “pat on the back”; even though it is a joke. The world is over populated and natural resources are getting more scarce, having a child is actually a “selfish” act.

    1. Having a child is a selfish act? What are you even talking about?! The natural human instinct is to have children and pass our genes along. It is not a selfish act at all.

  17. My grandmother couldn’t breastfeed, my aunt and cousin couldn’t breastfeed and neither could my mother. When I gave birth to my son, I explained this to my Doctor and was told that the likelyhood of me being able to breastfeed were slim to none. I never lactated at all! I had no choice but to start my baby on Formula. Yes, I’ve always wanted to breastfeed, but there was absolutely nothing! I was bone dry. So, for women to judge me on not breastfeeding is really not fair, especially when they don’t know the reasons! As for co-sleeping… My boy sleeps in his cot (in our room), but when he’s feeling sick / unhappy or he’s teething, I put him in bed next to me. This way I at least get to sleep for a while before having to get up and go to work. He’s not a needy child, so this doesn’t interfere with our ‘lifestyle’. But when a baby isn’t feeling well, sometimes all they need is to feel safe and secure in their mother’s arms. My son also loves soda! It’s not something he gets every day & he’ll usually try and drink it from my glass. So, when he keeps asking for a sip, I’ll put some in his bottle or sippy cup. I have an extremely healthy child, who has only ever had a mild cold & diarrhea in his 14 months of life. And sometimes I also feel like spoiling him with a piece of chocolate or candy or even some milkshake. He is only human like the rest of us and I see no reason why I should keep little treats away from him, especially when it does him no harm.
    So, for everyone judging parents who are like me – I don’t care. I have a happy & healthy baby who gets all the love any child could ask for. As long as he’s loved, cared for, happy and healthy, I honestly don’t care what other people have to say about it. I’ve been judged by family members tons of times for giving him chocolate or letting him drink soda. So be it… That’s your opinion, but he is MY child

  18. This article is BS. We learn from experience. As Parents, especially first time parents there is no manual to follow. There are professionals such as midwives to turn to but nothing beats good advice from your Mum. She travelled this path before you. You are here as a parent giving birth because she birthed and raised you. My Grandfather always said ” A wise person learns from others mistakes. Only a fool learns from their own”. While I appreciate that there are lots of people out there offering unwanted advice, don’t be to quick to throw the baby out with the bath water.

  19. I agree with your shut up about breast feeding comment. But then you didn’t, for some Brest feeding isn’t the best–so no, not everyone knows that. Also, I don’t think wine is awesome…..

  20. When I had my children, breast feeding was not the norm, as bottle feeding was popular. So I was thought of as a bit strange because I breast fed my three children.

    I am glad that the pendulum has swung back and that breast feeding is no longer considered strange. It is good that now, breast or bottle feeding is considered to be okay in today’s society.

  21. Love this! I’ve been ridiculed for breastfeeding, allowing our daughter to co-sleep, holding her too much, and for various other parenting choices. Every child is different, every mother is different, and every situation is different. We all do what’s best for our family as a whole. It’s one thing to get through 9 months of pregnancy. It’s a whole other deman to raise a child or several children. If your children are safe, happy, and healthy then I say “Good job, momma! Keep up the good work”.

  22. Hi! Great article! I’m so sick of the mommy/daddy shaming but just a friendly reminder your quote says “pushed a baby out of my vagina” and normally I wouldn’t think twice as I know us c section mamas understand. But because this is one of those articles praising all births i thought I would point that one out 😉 haha!

    1. I had a natural vaginal birth, but the only reason I came to the comments was to see if someone else pointed that out. I was 100% for most of the rest of the article, but I wanted an “either pushed a kid out of your vagina or had it carved out of you like the wishbone from a Thanksgiving turkey”.

  23. My children are adopted and they were bottle fed. They are very happy and healthy. I think people need to do what is best for them. As far as kids sleeping with you. Do what is best to get sleep even if it is musical beds some nights. Some say they will be to cool to be seen with you so enjoy the attention why you can.

  24. I think I ❤️you! Great article.

    On the down side, had to stop reading comments when commenters started doing exactly what the article was saying to avoid – judging others for their decisions. Why, people, why?

  25. Very well said all the arguing about breastfeeding or not, I have 5 kids tried, TRIED as I said to breastfeed yes they make you feel bad in the hospital, but having 5 kids makes it so much easier for me to say nope not breastfeeding, my milk lasts for maybe a week. No longer than that. Parenting which is what the article is about, well there’s no rules for parenting unless you are dcf or something. Do you care about your kids? Do you feed them, do you make them go to school, do you keep a roof over there head, do you buy them food and clothes? Point is a parent knows exactly how to take care of there child whether or not someone else likes what they are doing. Get over it. Yes there are some real effed up parents that’s do dumb shit. They end up messed up for it.

  26. Hey, my parents put root beer in my sister’s baby bottle – she’d shake it up and squirt it in her mouth! She loved it, is a wonderful, responsible human being, and has never had a cavity. 😀

  27. The point is NOT whether breast is best or not. The point is, IT AIN’T NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS if I am bottle feeding my child. You have nooooo idea why, so just keep your mouth shut. I am an adoptive mom, and had no choice in the matter. Want to know how many people criticized me for formula feeding my baby? Every time I bought a case of formula, someone would get in my ear about how much better it would be if I breast fed. You are right that what others think shouldn’t matter, but it does get tiring to hear it over and over and over. Just please, keep your comments to yourself about my parenting style. You have no idea why I make the choices I make. I shouldn’t have to explain it to you.

  28. I love not caring about any of this. Maybe it’s because I’m a guy, maybe because I’m a Libertarian but I NEVER understand people sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong. Good way to lose a nose where I’m from 😉

  29. The bigger picture isn’t even in the picture anymore. You can’t let your kids sleep with you because it causes problems for them as ADULTS. You should feed your baby what’s good for them so they become healthy ADULTS. You shouldn’t breastfeed in public because it teaches your children to keep some innocence in public until they are ADULTS. The parents today are raising their kids to be entitled to whatever their parents are, like sleeping in an adult bed and seeing boobs in public. Some day my son is going to fall in love with your daughter. Some day my daughter will marry your son.Thanks for making the few years you have your children as comfortable as possible for you while my children spend their adult life with a spouse that slept in his mommies bed til he was 14. Great. Thanks.

  30. Thank you! I appreciate this! I am a mom of 2 great kids and my birth plans didn’t turn out “as planned”. The 1st was an emergency c-section due to placenta abruption and I can’t tell you how many mothers told me that I should have a v-bac with my second so I could be a “real woman”. Umm…I thought I was already? I also tried nursing my 1st and honestly I was miserable so I chose not to nurse my 2nd. The pediatrician lectured me about the importance of breastfeeding immediately after my son was born. How I was doing a disservice to my baby and I should want what is best for my child. I wasn’t even stitched up yet(after my non-womanly c-section)! Be the parent you feel is best for both you and your child! Quit listening to others ! Unless you are beating or neglecting your children others shouldn’t tell you how to parent! Thanks again for this!

  31. Any time I see / meet new parents or soon to be – I tell them something along the line of – You are going to get a ton of advice from every direction – just nod your head let it go in one ear and out the other. Go home love them- do what you feel is best – it’s your baby – trust me you will know what is best. That is about all I tell anyone. I know I got tired of advice eventually and so I thought – what would be a good thing to say – and this is what went through my mind.

    So any newbie parents – Good Luck – it is a learning process for both you and baby – take care of you both – share lots of love with them and listen to your own instinct – your feeling is by far the best advice! Some days you will wish time away – but those dare going to pass quicker than you want. Enjoy every minute!

  32. My daughter’s grandmother on the other side…her dad’s side put soda, coffee in her baby bottle more than once. this reeeaaalllyyyy upset me. I don’t understand it. pure frustration towards that woman. pure frustration.

  33. Meh. I think a lot of parents get bad advice from family members and/or pediatricians that CAN be harmful to their children, and many parents listen to that advice and don’t know any better. For example, pediatricians often recommend administering Tylenol after vaccinations to reduce fevers. Studies have shown that Tylenol depletes glutathione, which plays an important role in detoxification. Giving Tylenol before or after vaccines is dangerous and can cause neurological damage. So, when I share this information, it’s not to criticize other parents’ choices, it’s because I care about their children’s health. It’s about education, not judgement. It makes me really sad that pediatricians often give such bad advice when parents place so much trust in them.

  34. Thank you! I was one of those moms who struggled with breastfeeding to the point of countless tears every day for 3 weeks. We finally figured out that the poor little guy had lost 1.5 pounds because he had a protein sensitivity, couldn’t handle my breastmilk, and needed special formula. I still regret not being able to nurse him because “breast is best,” but he couldn’t take it. He is a healthy and happy elementary school kid now, and that is all that matters!

  35. “Thanks for not letting us go extinct”??! Are you kidding me? How about “you are so much less selfish if you don’t have kids and save the world we live in”. Or, even better – adopt and give to people who really need it rather than creating your own mini-me, you selfish $&@*!!!

  36. I love how people have finally figured out what breasts were made for!! What drives me crazy is that they haven’t quite figured out what the BIRTH CANAL is for yet!!! Pleeease!!! if you are able to have your child NATURALLY don’t you think there are benefits to the child AND mother to that as well!! Come on people give me a break!

    1. You are exactly the person this post was written for.
      How about just zipping it. Other women don’t need you to “educate” them.
      How arrogant and presumptuous. You’ve missed the entire point of the piece.

  37. Thank you so much for your comment on breast feeding. My little miracle came 8 weeks early, after almost being delivered at 24 weeks. I tried everything I had to breast feed, but did not produce enough milk on my own, so he got both. I read your article and when I got to that comment I cried, because people still shame me for not breast feeding and he.s now a happy, healthy, kindergartner. You could add to this list, awww, only one? How come? How many children I have isn’t anyone’s business but my family’s. Oh, and by the way, the answer is “I almost died having him, so we couldn’t risk having another, and we are blessed and happy to have him.”

  38. If it wasn’t for formula my baby would be one of those whos life was in jeopardy. I never produced milk. Always think before you make comments. I had someone lecture me about formula feeding my kid then put her foot in her mouth when I explained I wasn’t producing any milk. Yes, the beast was my first choice but sometimes life doesn’t work that way. She’s a beautiful, smart, fun, crazy and strong 7 year old who is showing me how to give with your entire heart.

  39. Absolutely, as parents we should support each other, and each others choices. If your child has a safe home a warm bed to sleep in, food in their tummy, clean clothes and oodles of love, they’ll be fine, and you deserve a “bloody well done” xxx love and sleep to you all

  40. Came across this post today, and I feel it’s spot on! Parenting is hard work. Everybody does things their own way, with however they feel most comfortable. Not everybody can sleep with a baby in their bed, and not everybody can sleep with their baby across the house from them. It all comes down to personality, and the fact that different parenting choices are just that: Different. Not wrong, just different. Who wants a cookie cutter society anyways? I especially love the part about not taking the husband’s last name, as that is true of my own situation. My kids have my husband’s last name. And it really isn’t anybody else’s business except our own little family.

  41. I know I’m late to the comment party, but I wanted to chime in. Maybe it came from becoming a mom, for the first time, at 35 instead of 25, maybe it was because I read everything I could get my hands on, maybe it’s because I’ve helped raise several of my over 18 cousins or maybe it’s just because I’m a bitch and don’t give a crap what other people think of my parenting choices, but I never had an issue with people questioning my cosleeping or extended breastfeeding (2 years). My son’s blood sugar was low in the hospital, but he wouldn’t take the bit of formula the nurses gave him. I didn’t have an issue with supply once it came in and I had a great nurse who was awesome. I’d also read a book and watched a ton of YouTube videos on positioning, etc when nursing so I think that really helped prepare me. I’m sorry so many of you get shit from others.

  42. The irony is not lost in these comments.
    Because arguing with a stranger that makes no difference in our lives on the Internet has really gotten us far.

  43. I would have to say that the only piece of advice I give to new parents is to please never put your infant child in bed with you. I’ve worked in a business that, after my kids were way older, that brought it to my attention just how dangerous that is. Too many new borns and slightly older babies die from what’s called a rollover. I was guilty of putting my babies in bed with me and I consider myself very lucky that nothing happened. So please, please do not put your newborn in bed with you, you may be so tired that you accidentally roll over onto your baby and smother them. As far as the rest goes, go for what you know!!!

  44. I was going to refrain from commenting, then I read the ignorant replies below and couldn’t contain myself. Most will not even read this entire response because of that very same ignorance. I am a father of five children, not “kids” as I’m not a farmer. The more educated readers will get that. Three are my own and two I married into and treat as if they are my own because after all, I married them too! I wonder if the editor of this article and most of the readers have taken a second to look at both sides of this coin? There is really no wrong or right and I certainly agree to an extent that it’s almost none of anyone’s damn business. That said, I don’t care where your children sleep. If you want to raise little humans to grow up and have separation issues, go nuts. That and it is a surefire way to aid in the destruction of your relationship. Then again, those parents are probably victims of the same upbringing or find more solace in the relationship with their children then they do with their partner. Again, who cares, not my children or relationship. Birth plans, I agree completely. If I had to carry and give birth, I would not be a parent. Kudos to those women who have the tolerance to do it. Thanks for enduring the agony of bringing me into this world Mom! Formula feeding, well if the child’s mother is a drug addict or if the child is adopted this is the only way that child could eat healthy. STFU… Breastfeeding in public, I’m kind of torn here. If done discretely and not giving the impression that one is starving for attention, again, go nuts, but don’t get pissed at the people staring, maybe you’re just sexy as hell. Who doesn’t stop to watch the mother bird feed their young, its amazing if you have ever seen it. Yet, the urge to sneeze or cough or even relieve myself is just as natural but I don’t not cover my face or urinate in the booth at a restaurant. Some would say “that’s totally different” well is it? Not really, you’re still subjecting another patron to something they didn’t welcome. Witnessing a woman breastfeeding while I’m trying to enjoy a meal with my children and trying to keep them from staring wasn’t on the menu or part of the restaurant’s atmosphere description. Imagine someone discretely unzipping their child’s pants under the table and letting it flow, that would be outrageous right? Why, maybe they’re not quite potty trained yet and couldn’t hold it any longer? (Just kidding, I too think that would be a bit out of line) Just think about your surroundings when making the decision to breast feed in public. If someone has to go out of their way to figure out what you are doing, shame on them but if your standing in the deli line with your breast out, don’t be surprised if you get stares or offend someone. Especially the little old lady from the 40s shaking her head (well I’ve never!!! lol) Most of the crap on this list is just that, crap. The writer has the power to really make a difference due to the amount of people they will reach, yet instead of talking about raising children to respect adults and fellow human beings or teaching right from wrong in general, they are talking about other people. WGAF? In closing, I don’t give a S**T how you raise your children, but if they disrespect me or anyone else in public (especially an elderly person) because you didn’t raise them right, be prepared for the consequences of their actions!

  45. Why are any of these parents bothering to share all this personal information about how you raise your kids? Why do you feel the need to overshare and then get your feelings hurt because someone judges you? Grow up! Be Adults and handle your own lives! Here is step 1, mind your own business! If someone else is screwing up their kids, it’s their problem! Raise your kids! And teach them to mind their own business too! Fresh, raising kids isn’t rocket science! I have a successful 19 yr old! Be a parent and that means be an adult! Stop winning about what everyone else thinks! Teach your kids that and they won’t be as susceptible to gangs or bullying!

  46. The problem with this post arises when the child is grown and making choices based on what their parents choices. Of course, I take my kid to McDonald’s, of course We let our kids sleep with us, but we also make DAMN sure they KNOW that it’s BETTER to sleep in their own bed and better to eat more healthy food. By ignoring the excess of poor parenting decisions OVER AND OVER after years and years WILL result in overweight, selfish, and ill-equipped teenagers and adults. THAT is the truth.

  47. Uh the artical talks about getting over what other say or think. Get over it. Well the guy who referred to it as rip a piece.. everyone get the freak over it. Seriously. Look in your own closet.

    1. Just for laughs… I read the rip a piece comment to my husband and now I can’t stop laughing/crying bc he
      thought it meant farting… LOL.

  48. I was super looking forward to somebody trying to get me to breast feed. I was actually hoping to sit through one of the sanctimonious lectures I hear about so at the end I could gleefully say, “Oh, that sounds amazing! I really think I should do that. Could you help me regrow my breasts? They cut mine off 3 years ago when I had cancer,” and watch their faces fall off. Sadly, I didn’t find anybody that stupid.

    Also, my husband and I had been trying to get our 2yo daughter to sleep in her own bed through the night for half a year, but no joy. Then he died 4 months ago. These days she can sleep in my bed all she wants, and haters can fuck right off.

  49. This pretty much lays it all on the line and hey, do what works for you and allow others to do the same. That said, here’s where you shouldn’t mind your own business; when you suspect with good reason that a child is being neglected or abused. I’m not talking about the kid playing in his yard alone, hey, maybe you can help keep an eye on that kid, maybe mom or whoever is a little overwhelmed, instead of turning them in, help out if you can. I’m talking about abuse, and neglect where the kids are not eating properly due to nobody caring enough, obvious unbathed for long periods, you get the idea. Those kids need help. Abused and/or neglected. Speak up. Otherwise, mind your own business.

  50. If a mother is breast feeding her child in “MY” home and doesn’t cover up when the child is at 10 month’s old and breast feeds making me and my husband feel uncomfortable with it …. is it not my right to speak up…. without her being offended about this

  51. If a mother is breast feeding her child in “MY”home and doesn’t cover up when the child is 10 month’s old and breast feeds making me and my husband feel uncomfortable with it is it not my right to speak up; without her being offended by this

  52. I just wish people would just stop judging. Whoever did this article deserves 10 stars. I mean stop having you’re eye balls pop outta your head because you are worried about what someone else does and keep them in your own business.

  53. Quick question, these kind of viral blog posts make some sense but at the same time show what political correctness has done to our society. When did people become so thin skinned that they can’t have regular conversations and gasp…. debates about life. There are always some who will go over the top, but that is life… talk to someone else if someone is crazy. I know multiple people who don’t get any vaccinations, it is crazy stupid to not get vaccinated for polio and many other deadly diseases. Space them out, be selective… but no vaccinations is stupid and I will tell you that to your face and I am not real concerned if you get offended. The same person will be whining for prayers on Facebook when their kid contracts the disease and spends a month in the hospital fighting for their lives.

  54. This is so magical I laughed all the way through it. As a mom of a 5 month old, the endless judging from everyone is relentless especially when it comes to feeding. I bring a bottle and strangers have actually stopped to tell me that formula is basically the devil. I breastfeed and my kid rips off the cover and people want to act like I can possible control that.. that darn child should KNOW you don’t want to see her eating! Seriously she’s just being inconsiderate, sorry ;). Or God forbid, she won’t allow me to cover her at all. Then, I am a man stealing exhibitionist. Because nothing gets me going like a tiny human tugging at my nipples. SO HOT. Everyone has an opinion. To every mama reading – You just do you! I agree, we need more “atta girls” and fewer “tsks tsks.”

  55. Thank you. Knowing that Im not the only one that feels that way. I know alot of people that cant or wont mind their own business. Again thank you.

  56. I love your story and yeah your absolutely right we do know our kids ..I have 3 and I think me and my husband is doing right by then and I did have struggles with breastfeeding my second and my 3rd child it was not as bad he was my first baby I did breastfeed but then when he got a Lil older he was getting sick I mean hospitalized and we had no idea why but then we found out he is deadly allergic to cigarette smoke and everyone that smoke in my family didn’t believe us they said it’s the polling and the pollination so what we had to ask them to do is to when they smoked to put on a jacket outside when they smoked and then take it off outside but if they didn’t he would be hospitalized again the cigarette smokers didn’t care so we had to make a decision and it broke our hearts because they wasn’t caring about our son but we stayed away from them til they got the picture and they finally did what we asked them to do and since then he hasn’t had an attack for a long while now…my 3rd child I was breastfeeding but it look like he wasn’t gaining weight at all and we kept thinking becausw he is long and its actually true i read up about and he was growing by getting longer too fast and we was scared if he doesnt get any weight on him he will be dying but what mad me upset because i would do anyghing for my kids people was asking me if i was feeding and i woukd say yes all the time sometimes every 30 mins.. and sometimes every 1 i woukd feed him si much i would get sick and dizzy i have low sugar so i woukd ware myself out I didnt care i wanted him to eat and be healthy .i woyld feed him out in about but i would cover up and no one would give me a hard time about it they would mind there own business but then even though u was feeding him by breast he look like he wasnt gaining so i went and did what i need to do is supplement early with him and i still breast feed him i would call myself his fountain lol now he is just as big as his brother they are two years or so apart and I have a daughter I didnt breastfeed her I tried she is my oldest but I was so drugged up they almost killed me they gave me something I was allergic to anyway sometimes you make sarcfice to protect your children and people should respect that and let you raise your kids they way you know fits you and your kids that is how I and my husband does it….

  57. This article is great! Only thing missed is the fact that bed sharing can actually be harmful to baby until a certain age so that’s one of those that actually matters.

  58. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    Thank…you.

    I feel like you just went in my brain, and typed out everything I’ve been feeling since the day we announced that I was pregnant. The flood of unsolicited, and completely unwanted advice came flowing in, and I made it perfectly clear to EVERYONE that I was not interested.

    Again, thank you for saying what’s on pretty much every mom’s mind!

  59. Nope. I continually have people tell me that formula = breast milk. It’s not. It’s good, but not as good as breast milk – hence the need for the BREAST IS BEST movement. This ignorance is also the reason the cover/uncover/extended breastfeeding point even exists.

  60. Love this! I have been there in that realm of judgemental persecution for my methods of child rearing! Ugh! Bottom line is everybody has a first child and then possibly additional ones and we change our methods with each child, the awesome thing is…it’s my business not yours what I choose to do with my child! My kids have survived to this point and are now teenagers! Celebration! Yes! I find it rewarding that we have all survived and our family is still intact, it is so hard to raise children in this wild and crazy world! We should all do better at patting each other on the back and offering a hand up during times of trial. If you want to pass judgement do it in the mirror not across the fence!!

  61. @ Kirsten…..
    Ha ha I’d say your just as much of a douche if not worse. You call that person a douche. Go read what you commented.
    You said: that maybe he meant to say ” get a rip of peace” and he just has really bad grammer?
    First of all don’t bash people who have mistakes spelling because some people may have learning disabilities in one sentence you wrote about “get a rip of peace” you don’t make sense another thing you spelled it peace it’s PIECE. Then you put a question mark (?) And it weren’t even a question.
    So before you go judging people about tgere Grammer correct yours. You know,we are are not perfect nor most of us tend not to be. Come to reality & realize that some people may word things differently because they were never taught the correct way. I have close friends/relatives that have learning issues it’s not there fault. Some of them there parents never took the time to teach them because the dad was an alcoholic & the mom was always working, some dropped out of school to fend for / help there family to survive. Think before you judge some people have reasons why they word things different. You knew what he meant/was saying yet you had to pretty much be a bully. This could of been your husband, best friend, mother, son, etc. That posted it I bet you would have a different tune then.
    Stop being so rude. Grow up a little ok.

  62. I agree. I tried to breastfeed my daughter and I wasn’t producing enough for her. I had a breast reduction and I think that’s why I couldn’t make enough. Doesn’t mean I care any less. Every parent will do the best for their child and it should just be left alone. But I am so sick of hearing about it. All this wearing your child blah blah shit. Shut the hell up and just do your parenting.

  63. Why do you women need to feel validated by these clickbait articles about solidarity or any other kind of modern style of “for women” written articles nowadays? In the end as a female I don’t care what any of you or any writer thinks about anything. I do think that is how we all should live however. So I am not sent these inane articles about the banalities of all your and other womens modern day first world problems. By the way Sean was right. It would be wierd, your kid would be weird and your sex life would be weird. Reading the comments here makes me hope I am never in your friends circles at any ppoint in my life.

  64. Maybe criticism happens because we as a society are tired of having to provide for your ill-equipped Special Snowflakes when they leave your home. Thanks for the kind offer to “propagate the human race”, but many of you should just get a dog.

  65. This is well said, and even funny — but I have to wonder if Ms. Meier is equally hands-off when it comes to things like disciplining methods, teaching respect, ongoing diet issues, exposure to physical “risks”, etc. I imagine that everyone has a limit of tolerance regarding these issues, as well as those mentioned in this posting. Often the same person saying “get over it” on one element of child-rearing is screaming in horror at observing someone’s handling of another element.

  66. It’s hard to respect/receive such an article. First have some class about the point(s) you want to make and intelligently convey them. Sounds like the writer is having a personal moment. Women/mothers don’t need some out of control emotional advocate.

  67. I cannot applaud loud or long enough. As a Nurse and a mother, people have decided that they know better, the choice is what is best and most comfortable for the family. we are human beings and not plastic molds, although there are times when I almost wonder. I would like to say though that these choices should be made in an informed manner… NO it is not he family’s responsibility, it is the educational and health professionals’ responsibility to educate families about ALL the options, and respect and support them in their choices. IS it more work absolutely, but that is why, supposedly, we spend so many years in academic, continuing, and experiential education. OH and did I mention YOU are paying us, so demand our knowledge and experience in helping you make the choices.

  68. My youngest child is now 26. This same stuff was going on back when he was born. I am a very firm believer in “what works for your family”. It is no one’s business where your family sleeps, what they eat or when. I have a nephew that did not eat anything but peant butter sandwiches for 3 years. My sister was beside herself and the pediatrician said he was fine and would try other foods when he was ready. All worked out jyst fine. So THANK YOU for this fantastic article!!!

  69. All my children slept with me till they asked for their own bed. That was about age 5 for each. But came many years of waking with them in my bed anyway.. Eventually they were just fine in their own bed..

    Back then though, we didn’t have the net to judge our every move. You just did what feels right. My children will be the first generation in our family to be under the stress of raising children with this prejudice..

  70. “Covered/Uncovered/Extended Breastfeeding
    Don’t like it? Don’t look at it. Done. ”

    Exactly. If I’m a fat hairy overweight bloke, why should others protest if I don’t like wearing trousers/shorts in public. you don’t like it, don’t look !

  71. Can everyone please STFU about breastfeeding? After reading an article on respecting each other and stopping judgement on other parents, you people have some nerve to be so rude to each other in the comments. Just wow. Any breastfeeding related thread anywhere is full of nasty and mean women. Sheesh.

  72. I have to make some general statements here.

    1) As a nurse myself, I have to apologize to those of you who have had terrible experiences in labor/deliver, NICU, or other specialties. Those individuals DO NOT represent true compassion in the nursing field. Suffice it to say, some people should NOT be nurses.. You should have had better and I am sorry you didn’t.

    2) I could not agree with more with everything said in this post. I would chest bump this post if that were possible…

    3) I have a mantra I follow: “if you aren’t an expert, you’re not allowed to comment”. Not to boast of myself, but I think the vast majority of humanity would improve if it adopted such a notion. (Especially thesw judgy-types…)

  73. You are 100% correct. In my opinion those who are most likely to criticize others’ parenting styles are the same yahoos that want to ban dancing, or guns, or certain books, dangerous words, heretical ideas, and just all-around “not being the way I think you should be.” As Heinlein so ably put it “those [who want to pass bans on something] always say ‘Ban this for the children’s sake’ or ‘protect them from themselves.They never say ‘I wish you’d ban x to keep me from doing it’.”

    I am sadly having to encourage my daughter to sleep in her own bed as she simply doesn’t understand why she has to give up the pleasure of sharing a family bed. I am so glad we gave her those memories & I’ll never regret any aspect of it, and for all those busybodies who insinuated or come out & stated boldly that we were damaging our child, I literally cannot fathom how thier minds “function” & I applaud anyone who tells Mrs. Grundy to shove it.

  74. I was sleeping in my parents room (one bedroom apt.) that my mom put a sheet up to separate us, between the age of 7 and 9. I remember so many nights hearing them having sex and tried so hard to stay quiet so they didn’t know I was still awake.

    Had a boy in my class at age 14 and he talked about still showering with his mother.

    You saying these things should be normal for children and it wont affect them? When my husband and I had children I make sure we make no sound having sex even thou they sleep in another room!!!!

  75. Just plain awesome. I will forever remember to just say….none of your damn business anytime someone questions anything. I’m a single Mom for a reason. Don’t preach to me, you non-payment, that a female can’t financially support or emotionally support her kid on her own. And don’t be offended when I correct you in front of my child, there is no daddy when you are interrupting our time at the store assuming it’s a date to “give Daddy rest.” How about you say nothing at all and not be a busy body when you see a mom and child in public. So yes, none of your damn business will work just fine 😉

  76. Just plain awesome. I will forever remember to just say….none of your damn business anytime someone questions anything. Far too many issues in the world, like keeping kids safe when they go to school, play, etc.
    I have had people get offended with my responses when they, a total stranger, ask personal questions in the grocery store. Just because I have a child does not mean you can ask me if I’m breastfeeding, how she sleeps, eats, and assume there is a father no more then I would ask how often you are having a BM or what your sexual preferences are.
    Just mind your business. Being polite is one thing. Being intrusive is another. And if you don’t appreciate someone who responds in a manner you don’t like, then don’t approach a stranger and make stupid comments.

  77. I give my kid soda yes I know TERRIBLE or as you put it STUPID but you don’t have my ten month old in your face screaming and trying to grab it if I don’t give her any

  78. Just in case you hadn’t noticed, it’s the continued, unbridled propagation of the human species that is most likely going to make us extinct. So, no, you don’t get a medal, or even a beer, for pushing another one out.

    And yeah, I duct tape my kid to the ceiling every night, right after I give him a bottle of warm pepsi. You wanna make something of it?

  79. Agree with everything except the formula part – not all babies would die without formula – mine didn’t ever use!! After the breast they went straight to milk- I do know breastfeeding isn’t for everyone including some babies…

  80. You made me giggle and smile girl.. You’ve hit hit the nail on the head cutie . Kiddos to you.. What a refreshing treat… With not just this subject.. But anything that causes one to JUDGE ..

  81. Well, what if soda in the bottle works for THAT family? OF COURSE most of us know it’s stupid, but if you are going to tell people not to judge you on YOUR choices, then you need to not be an ass, and practice what you preach. “Don’t judge, lest ye be judged”.

  82. You want me to pat on the back just for procreating? You do realize that is a pretty basic function that is not special or even needed? We have overpopulated the earth to the point other species are going extinct because of HUMANS… Just saying.

  83. I wonder how the let everyone do what they want brigade would react when they see some poor exhausted mum or dad who gives a child a short smack at the shops when they have a massive tantrum. All the live and let live flies out the window, also I’m hearing a lot women making excuses for not breastfeeding but we all know a lot just can’t be bothered , or worse, it makes their boobs saggy..women, we are our own worst enemy.

  84. Excellent post… I look forward to reading more of your articles… Not sure everyone is grasping what you were trying to say (READ COMMENTS BELOW FOR PROOF)
    However, my wife and I understand entirely how OPINIONS on how to to raise OUR kids somehow transform into “fact based” laws to live by… Every opinion is followed with ” I read this in parenting magazine… can’t remember what issue… but it’s definitely what you should be doing” My twins sleep in my bed during naps because I like snuggling with them… they also sleep in their cribs overnight…What happens in MY house is my business but if you ever catch me feeding my kids bacon grease, making them smoke a pack of cigarettes, tattooing them, piercing their noses or filling their bottles with soda… Feel free to punch me in the face… Otherwise… FUGG OFF… PS… Rip a piece?????
    Worry about this douche-a-tron….and not whether I’m loving my kids too much..

  85. I agree with all but the sleeping. Once you loose a baby to SIDS because you think it’s ok to have your baby Sleep with you, you will never understand. Once the baby has died they are gone forever! Just something to think about.

  86. “Parents know their children better than anyone else. ”
    I completely disagree. Not ALL parents know their children better than anyone else. I know mothers close to me who rant about their babysitters know their kids better, yet when they’re home (and I have observed so many times) they don’t even care about spending quality time with their children. What mother who doesn’t tuck her child to bed, but she’s in her bed comfortablt and on her phone while the child goes and play around then house. It is very sad but it does happen. I don’t mean to judge any motherhood skills but there are mothers who don’t simply have it.

  87. Yes! My husband and I share a bed with our seven year old daughter and one year old son. And we ALL LOVE IT!! I shared this the other month and I was told to “break” my daughter of the habit. ‘Scuze me, she’s not a horse. And she feels safe and loved. And when she wants to move out, she can.

    As for the formula. MY personal opinion is breast is best…for MY kids. What you do is your own business. I see you feed your toddler a cigarette, ok, I will step in. 🙂 Last summer, I had a conversation with another mother (stranger) and talked about breast feeding. And after I said I choose breast feeding she went on a TIRADE about how bad other mothers were for formula feeding. At which time I took out my formula for my son. “But…I thought you chose breast feeding” came the sheepish voice to which I replied, “yes but breast cancer chose me.”

    You don’t know peoples stories. And were are ALL in this together 🙂 offer support instead of criticism. Parenting is hard people~~
    love your article 🙂

  88. This had me cry laughing! THANK YOU! Great article….PREACH! Cheers to all the parents that celebrate their kids’ birthdays not only as a reminder of the day they were born but also a pat on the back….”Yay! You’re still alive!”

  89. wow, someone needs an effing xanax. Calm the eff down lady. It’s just effing raising effing kids for effing sakes. I mean, eff, who the eff cares what you think any-effing-way? You think you can effing tell me what to effing think? Why the eff do you think you’re so effing high and effing mighty? Oh and maybe instead of keep saying effing, which all kids know means “fucking”, why don’t you keep YOUR fucking ideas to YOUR fucking self? FUCK

  90. As an EMT who who has had to tell parents (several times in my career) that their child was dead because they were sleeping or breastfeeding in the same bed and the child was accidentally suffocated I beg of you please do not sleep in the same bed with your small children. You can never be cautious enough or safe enough no matter what the circumstances are in the same bed. We have several of these in my area every year. The most recent one was just last week. Keep them in the same room but just not in the same bed. The breast feeding and birthing plan though I agree it’s no one else’s business.

  91. Sleeping with a child is stupid. Just plain stupid. I worked in a pediatric ICU for 5 years and I don’t want to go into how my children died or were forever brain damaged bc parents just “needed some sleep.”

  92. I come from a family of 9 kids, my mother a petite 100 pounds and 4 ‘9″ tall woman; naturally she “pushed all her 9 babies out of her vagina”, most of us were born at home, she even delivered my second sister alone, my father left for 10 minutes to call the midwife, when they arrived the baby girl was crying on my mom’s arms.
    She Breastfed all of us, specially myself, I am the oldest, I fed from her breast till 8 years old, because every time she gave birth she had too much milk and no financial means to buy a pump, so I used to volunteer to suck on her breast to relieve her pain; we didn’t have enough food so I got my share of supplement and helped my mom. I enjoyed it as well so it was a win/win situation.
    We lived in a studio so we all shared the same bed till I was 8years old, after that my mom put me and my 6 years old sister to sleep in a separate bed in the same room. I was 15 years old when my parents were financially well to afford to build us a 3 bedroom home.
    Today my mother is a healthy 80 years old lady and proud of all of her 5 girls and 5 boys and their offspring. she adopted a baby boy later on, raising 10 kids.
    Our hero, I mean my mom, my siblings, my nephews and nieces and I are well bonded, very open, supportive and comfortable with each other. Once a month we have a family reunion to caught up an celebrate each other.
    We became great parents (our kids sleep in separate rooms, because we are very well accomplished adults who can afford comfortable and spacious homes for our kids), some of my nephews and nieces still enjoy to sleep with their parents, it’s Ok with me!, Yet, the issue is divided between my family, there are some criticism by my youngest brother and sister against that idea, I think is the new generation affair.

  93. I agree with this article, that anyone who would judge a parent based on these five list items is ridiculous, rude and judgmental.

    However…

    I feel that the tone of this article implies that people, particularly non-parents, are in a position to criticize other people’s parenting at all, unless the child is being hurt. What about a parent enabling bad behaviour? For example, not hushing your child when they talk during the movies; allowing your kid to scream incessantly in restaurants when others are trying to enjoy their meal? No, the kids are not getting hurt but it is still bad parenting.

    I also disagree with the introduction, in which the author thinks parents deserve a ‘pat on the back’ for populating the planet. If someone wishes to procreate, good for them, but I’m not going to praise you for it. As a proud non-parent I’m not going around asking for pats on the back for not continuing to over-populate the planet. What about all the unwanted children? I don’t think we’re in danger of going extinct anytime soon. If you give birth to the person who cures cancer or ends world hunger, I’ll give you your pat on the back. How does that sound?

  94. “Breast is best”, “wine is awesome”, and “here’s two cookies. And a beer” should most definitely be “here’s two cookies. And some wine”. ?

  95. This has been shared so many times on my facebook.. and I think I got more upset every time. Breast is best.. and we shouldn’t be told we aren’t allowed to say it. I am a firm believer that all moms are right in their choice to breast feed or formula feed. I’ve never been against formula feeding. It is an amazing invention that feeds and helps many babies! But saying we shouldn’t say breast is best is just like me saying you can’t say formula is best for you and your child! I think way more people are shamed for breast feeding than formula feeding. How about just shut up to mom shaming in general! ok. Rant over ?

  96. Parenting is so much more than propagating the human race. Raising a child is a difficult and complex process. It involves endless decisions, exhausting effort, and a great deal of networking and information gathering.

    The old adage, “It takes a village to raise a child” is still true today. This doesn’t mean that parents should be criticized, or that parenting isn’t a private matter. What it means is that raising a child requires many many sources of information, experience, and support. A parent today is faced with a faster-paced world and higher stakes. The task of raising and equipping my own children to face today’s world is an overwhelming task. I need other parents to help!

    The trend for parents to accept any and all methods of child raising is a dangerous one. I worry that this trend of “private parenting” leads to a breakdown in the support system parents have relied on throughout history. How do we know what works best? How do we predict the effects of parenting decisions? We need dialogue and open discussion about parenting ideas. I feel uncomfortable asking a mother with teenagers for advice or help simply because the trend of “private parenting” assumes that my motivation for asking is to criticize or judge her. I need to judge what is best. It’s not about putting myself above her. Sometimes there is a right and wrong way of doing things. I am not willing to approach parenting my children with a trial-and-error method when I know that so many parents have gone before me and proven through time what works best. My children mean more to me than my privacy and pride. I hope to help facilitate healthy, constructive parent sharing within my circle of influence. I believe it’s critical.

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